Review PATI IBU PUTIH by JANNALAWWA

I want to do a review on a local beauty product that I have used. It is called PATI IBU PUTIH JANNALAWWA.

I bought my first jar from local supplier.

Retail price is rm85..aku beli sekitar tahun 2014-2015.

 

It is a face cream to be applied at night before your night cream. You can also purchase the night cream from the same brand, they do sell it, but I just try the PIP because I didn’t have the money to buy the night cream.

It is supposed to whiten your complexion, which what I was after. i wanted to tone up my beige complexion. Biasala melayu, nak cantik, nak putih. So I bought it. I put my trust in Malay product once more.

  

This review is from what I have experienced by using 1 jar of this product & I bought it with my own money.

The cream is white. It claims to contain all the natural ingredient including bunga melur. It also claims to have KKM product license. So I trusted it?

The texture of this product is more like the Vaseline, but a bit smoother.

It is really not that easy to blend once you apply it. Susah nak ratakan. Kene rajin sikitla ratakan satu muka. Dia cakap sapu sikit je. Nipis je.

Macam tulah aku buat tiap tiap malam. I apply this cream on my face religiously every night because I want the best result. 

The instruction also said to apply alternately once you have achieved the tone you want. Kalau dah dapat tona kulit idaman, selang semalam pakai krim PIP ni.

ihsan google. jar sendiri dah habis 2-3 years ago.

Bila aku apply krim ni kat muka, and try tidur memang susahla nak tidur. 

1-  Melekit

2-  Peluh muka

Peluh muka macam lapisan kulit aku tak bernafas. Aku selalu kene lap peluh. Baru selesa nak tidur lepas 1-2 jam jugakla nak boleh selesa tidur.

Dari pengalaman selama pakai krim ni, (aku sapukan di muka & tangan) memang boleh putih. Aku bersyukur time aku pakai cream ni, selamba je aku keluar pegi mall tak pakai toner, tak pakai cream, tak pakai bedak, mmg muka aku nmpk mcm all set dah. Happy je aku keluar .just pakai shawl, pakai lipstick sikit dah. Siap.

Sadly, muka kita or tangan kita hanya putih dengan pemakaian berterusan product ni sahaja.

Lepas jar pertama aku habis, aku dah tak mampu nak beli yang baru. Aku tengok :

3-warna kulit aku kembali ke asal. Beige.

Hahaha..Tak putih dah.

TAGLINE brand ini “ PUTIH GEBU KEKAL” bagi aku, sangat lah misleading. Tak kekal pun. Janganlah menginaya wang pengguna. Tolong lah. 

Lagi satu, secara jujurnya, kulit muka aku

4-tumbuh jerawat yg merah-merah 

tu time aku pakai krim ni. 

Maksudnya,pori aku tersumbat.Aku pakai pencuci muka tanaka white bio essence time tu. Tak surelah product ni betul2 nampakkan hasil atau tanaka white punya effect je.

Time pakai krim ni, everytime aku cuci muka, menggurutu aku rasa muka aku. Kat pipi dan dahi dengan jerawat pasir. Tapi aku teruskan jugak pakai, sebab nak putih.

Time krim ni dah habis aku cuci muka dgn pencuci muka tanaka white (mmg aku tak tukar2 pencuci,cuma nk try krim ni je) makin hari makin ok muka aku. Semakin hari,semakin kurang rasa menggerutu. 

Aku rasa seksa lah jugak time ada jerawat merah & muka menggerutu time aku beria pakai krim PIP ni. Aku whatsapp founder dia cara pakai semua. Dia kata teruskan pakai, peluh tu tanda kulit aku bernafas katanya. Aku rasa mcm propa lah jugak. Tapi time tu aku ni obsess nak cantik macam dia.

Kalau korang tak tahu, boleh scroll ig akak Jannalawwa ni. Memang lawa la orangnya, tinggi, rambut panjang ikal mayang, hourglass body, putih gebu seluruh badan. Aku cita-citanye nak jadi macam gitula sampai aku percaya and beli produk tu.

Aku siap niat nak berhabis duit ptptn sem depan tu, semata nak beli set badan &  muka. Tapi tuhan tunjuk la. Memang tak sesuai kulit aku pakai.membazir je. Bila dapat duit ptptn semester seterusnya tu, satu produk Jannalawwa pun aku tak beli.

And aku langsung tak menyesal.

Aku dapat tahu akak tu darah campur. Aku obsess gila pasal founder tu dulu. Hari2 check ig nak usha harga affordable tapi yg original produk *nak jimat & nak cantik tapi student pokai sebenanye.. pada mata aku, dia gebu & putih tu semula jadi darah keturunan . Dia mcm orang Thailand je.orang sana kan cantik2..

Then dia founder product kosmetik, mampu nak cucuk vitamin c, glutathione semua tu kt clinic & hari-hari nak pegi buat facial kat spa pun lebih dari mampu. Nak pegi gym hari2 dapat body tiptop macam tu lagilah dia mampu. Duit kepuk2.

So aku fikir logic la. Lama-lama mmg aku rasa tertipu.

Aku baca comments yg complain ada masalah sama mcm aku, peluh, naik jerawat… nasihat suruh teruskan pakai.

Bagi aku kalau healing crisis, tak de la sampai orang tu jenis yang x pernah tumbuh jerawat sampai habis gerutu muka dia *dari salah satu comment yg aku baca..

Aku nk make sure aku sorang je ke yang mengalami effect2 mcm aku sebut tu, rupanya ramai lagi.

Ada yg muka clear, lepas pakai tumbuh jerawat. Jadi takutla aku.

Bau product ni mula2 pakai ada bau wangi, selepas beberapa lama, dia bau mcm stokin yg dah pakai yg dibiarkan beberapa hari.*that’s the best way I can do to explain the bau.sorry.

I googled everything before buying. Once again I fell for false advertising. Everything listed on the label, aku tak sure lah betul ke tak effective..semua macam “desirable effects” yg orang idamkan kalau mereka pakai / consume sesuatu product kecantikan, tapi tak seefektif tu pun sebenarnya. 

Orang overhypedkan product ni. It’s really overrated. Gullible customers especially perempuan yg obsess nak cantik & putih mcm aku nila yg sokong ,siap promote produk ni. I did that too yeah LOL.. I saw the founder so pretty, so the product must be good but actually, realistically

Produk ni biasa saja. Kesan sementara. I hope it doesn’t contain mercury because I read the day cream is banned in Singapore because of harmful ingredient.

And aku rasa utk effect sementara, & ketidakselesaan yg dialami time aku pakai krim ni, tak selayaknya harga satu jar krim ni rm85. Terlalu mahal tapi effect taklah hebat mana.

Aku  sedih sbb berhabis duit utk benda sia-sia mcm tu sekali lagi.

Aku follower setia IG akak tu. Banyak product dia keluarkan ikut demand consumer la. Orang Nampak badan dia lawa, orang mintak dia keluarkan supplemen, orang Nampak muka dia lawa dia memang keluarkan produk muka, lipstick, serum badan banyak la, mengikut demand semasa pengguna dia.

Once aku dah experience pakai satu jar, my verdict are as follows:

1-  False advertisement/ tagline is misleading

2-  Im not sure it is really KKM approved

3-  Wayyyy OVERPRICED.

4-  Overrated. overhyped

5-  Im not sure wether all ingredients are natural /organic

6-  Clog pores

7-  Broke me out ( tumbuh jerawat)

Basically macam kita pakai lotion pemutih, kalau kita pakai kita putih, kalau tak pakai tak putih. Tiada perubahan kekal macam yang dijanjikan melainkan you all pegi cucuk gluta or vitamin C kat klinik lah. Itu saja cara utk putih gebu seluruh badan ( melalui saluran darah).

Do not risk using/ applying/ consuming beauty products or supplements which you are not 100% sure it is safe for you.

All these consumptions, if contained the harmful ingredients, in a long run will affect your system, all the toxins may harm your kidneys. And it is really life burdening to be a kidney failure patient,( my immediate family member is a kidney patient & dependent on hemodialysis all her life),believe me I know.

It is my review for this one specific local product but the warning & precautionary alert applies to all the local products that you buy, but unsure of its safety. Bukan nak jatuhkan bangsa sendiri, tapi nak suruh berhati-hati & bijak dalam memilih & membeli.

Kesihatan, kecantikan is nikmat. Do our best to safeguard them.

every time..every single time..

hi life.

i just feel like writing tonight.

i am sad.

my assumption about men are almost true. not that im THAT surprise but i just wished it didnt happen to me. but it did.

sekarang baru aku sedar kenapa Allah tak pernah uji aku dengan ujian bercinta. Sebab aku tak kuat kot...

aku sedih sangat sekarang..jarang aku nangis bila masuk main campus..perangai sensitif ni masa aku foundation kat nilai je ..tak sangka aku akan menangis jugak sebab benda mcm ni.

 aku tak de sesiapa nak cerita . kalau aku confess kat page confession pun mungkin aku dapat bashing comment .. atau mungkin confession aku tak di-publish sebab admin  main tapis2 jugak sekarang.. daripada aku frust, baik aku tulis dalam blog aku sendiri..

last semester, aku ada masalah dengan prereg subject ( register subjects for new semester online for UIA students ) . masalahnye, uia buat rule baru: yang tak bayar tuition fee, fine or apa2 je financial yg tertunggak, tak boleh log in portal utk register subject. aku adalah salah seorang mangsa. aku pun joined lah comment pasal hal ni dia facebook page IIUM.

my comment was approximately : kalau nak suruh bayar sekarang mana ada duit *sad face*

  ( i depend on ptptn to pay fees and it was not credited yet by the time prereg started).

then there was a guy liked it. long story short, that guy wanted to friend me on Facebook.

i didnt know who he was. i dont approve strangers. then thinking that he is also IIUM student, i approved the request.  He IM-ed me and we complained abt the distress we have to face about the fees and prereg etc.

he's an engineering student. and i thought thats cool!  i got to build my network with different students from different kulliyyah ( faculty).

and he IMed  me everyday from that day i befriended him..

my instinct had it figured out .. he is 4th year student like me, and he is on the path where IIUM students are most  anxious about apparently.. looking for the one.

i didnt want to get his, or my hopes up. because from my experience, IIUM guys , or guys in general (talking by experience)  only like pretty fashionable girls, with all the desirable feminine qualities, i may add..

 well im not ugly , but not that wow! pretty either.. im just okay girl, light beige skin ,5'4, a bit chubby and i look like my bloodline of Yemen + Thai + Malay so .. from my primary,secondary, matrics ,cfs until now no guys had approach me.. i guess im a boy repellent?

i replied all his messeges. i treat people the way they treat me. he was nice, therefore i was nice to him. it's just that when he gave the hint that he was interested to go further than friends, i quickly stopped  him. like he wanted to accompany me to go out coz i had to do some shopping, and he wanted to drop by my mahallah (all IIUM undergraduates live in mahallah ( hostels) inside UIA until they graduate) to fix my laptop software. i said no, i don't know how to go out with  guys * i literally dont know how to socialize with guys.im not lying* . i didnt even want to meet him.  i told him, i could google how to do it.so there u go..

because i know, once he sees me, he is gonna be judgmental, he is going to leave like other guys who had talked to me online, but once they saw my Instagram even, they went quiet and gradually stopped talking to me.. i don't want to sound despondent or begging for sympathy but that is what always happens, and i am used to it..

so i thought, here u go, this is another one.. for how long u going to get his hopes up? ..all guys that talked to me, the way they talked at first, like im so special, like im a hot girl they want to date, then after they see me, they changed their minds..so does their attitude.

he used to messeged me everyday for like 2 weeks if im not mistaken.. he send me "get up!" messege in the morning, he texted me tho it was late and a few times he asked me to extend my time texting him. as usual, i knew this was because he thought that  i was somewhat pretty girl that he never sees yet, that's why he was so nice, so i stopped him and bid goodnight.

he even asked for my number to text me by whatsapp.. and i said "here is fine" ( FB )

i did not want to get his hopes up.. even when i upload a status when i was upset, he would ask what was troubling me.. that was really nice.

i did feel appreciated. and like i said, i knew he was just another guy that will go away.. i didnt want to feel that happy..

then i decided to show him my Instagram where i post my pics ( i dont put pics on Facebook)

like i expected... the next day, no more messeges in the morning like it used to be.. at noon.. or late night.. only days after that, he texted me, just to be polite i guess..and not to make it that obvious to me ..

he continues messaging me on and off.. but not everyday.. like weeks or months.. 

one time i asked about itunes because i had problems with my ipod. he did help me but i was noob about itunes and said something noob, so he laughed at my stupidity i guess and answered as if he wanted me to quickly stop asking him more questions. i was feeling offended and i didnt reply anything.

he realized the fact and said he was sorry after a few days.. that was nice. 

he likes to play guitar.. and he posted guitar version of Korean drama ost that happened to be the one i like on his Instagram.. i liked that Instagram posting..

then he im-ed my Facebook asking me whether it is nice or otherwise. i said it was nice.and we're friends again.

everything went okay.. he didn't seem to have any problem with me. he posts guitar covers whenever he feels like it.. yeah everything was OK.

one time, he asked me about my midterm. how was it.. i answered nicely.. 

and by the time we had to do prereg again, he asked me whether i could register my subjects or not.. there was no problem..he even recalled how we got to be friends. " i remember because of prereg problem, i started IM-ing you " .. i replied "yeah. luckily now we've settled prereg" ( all dialogue exchanges are in Malay)

he was sensitive enough to remember how we became friends. that was a nice thing to say right? 

i thought that was a sweet gesture..

but that doesn't last nor it moves to next level.. it stops there..

he  is a cat person. i found a page posting relly cute cat plushtoy-sling bags ( i dont know what they're called) and i showed it to him.

he liked it he wanted to buy it even.. and when i found other page selling this kind of merchandise, i showed it to him. i thought to myself " he likes cat, he must've liked this too" 

and i remember that was the last friendly conversation i had with him..

then no more..

i dont know why..sometimes he uploads a status, then i comment on it.. and he was just replying briefly. well ,he used to talk to me everyday, and even when he was playing DOTA he talked to me.

one time he even noticed that  i didnt like him resuming DOTA while talking to me , he expressed that , and just talk to me. no DOTA. .i kinda miss that even though i knew from the beginning,  this was in order..

story of my life..

i guess guys do that all the time.. when they find someone better, the previous one is trash. i know im not his THE ONE or anything, but he makes me feel bad now when he used to make me feel a bit special..

hearts are not to be played with .hati perempuan tu lembut. no matter how strong we look outside, mcm mana berdikari pun seseorang wanita tu, hati dia fragile. nak2 lagi bab2 macam ni.. janganlah mainkan perasaan org perempuan. awak tak tahu apa dia rasa. awak nampak dia okay je. tapi dalam hati tuhan je yang tahu.

recently, my Samsung note had problems. usually when it comes to tech or gadgets, i refer to him.

he replied me as if i was bothering him. i noticed that but there was no one else. i don't have male friends who are expert about gadget on Facebook.

 he answered my questions . he said my charger port was the culprit of the note not charging and wont turn on.  i asked the details like how much it would cost to repair, how long does it take and where can i go.. i asked if i went to wangsa walk is it gonna be expensive? he said no need,IIUM students who runs gadget business could fix it for me in no time. i asked who and where.. he went quite until today..

i settled it myself.

i was a little sad. but, i did not pay attention to it.

tak pe lah.. mungkin soalan aku tu bodoh, remeh atau menyerabutkan kepala dia je.

yesterday or last 2 days he uploaded a Facebook status about the finale of his fav drama series on tv3 ( hmm yes, he watches drama and read novels too, and DOTA, and guitar) and for fun, i went through the comments because they mentioned about Mira Filzah ( the lead actress) and i kept seeing MF being mentioned everywhere these days, so i paid attention.

there was a girl commenting . and i thought owwh interesting , he talks to girl now ha?

the reason i felt that was interesting because , earlier when he was actively texting me , he asked me to give opinion about him from a girl's perspective.and i had to give my honest opinion about him.. (he said if he asks guys they wont answer honestly. )

 moving on,  i went on her Facebook wall ( i didnt know why i did this honestly) so i  found out she likes DOTA ,japanese anime, plays guitar - those are his things ; they have A LOT of things in common. then i thought wow! interesting. then i stopped there and laughed. i didnt feel anything until tonight i put it all together.

and i cried..

stupid me..

i found out that he treated her now like he used to treat  me.. there's no need to elaborate in length. likes, comments.not to mention praises..huhu.. on that girl's page..and that girl's status are like approximately (thank you for coping with me.. im hardheaded you know who u are bla bla bla) .. we all know the drill.

i always dont know what i want, or have, until it is taken from me? NO i dont have feelings for him nor i LIKE him "THAT WAY " you know what i mean right?

well technically and practically, he is not mine or anything, but i am really sad to see my worst expectation about guys is true. that is what makes me sad actually. the expectation matches reality and it is a bad thing in my opinion, and that bad thing happens to me. to me!

you gave girls hope, then you find her does not suit your interest, leave her like a trash. find a new one.

 but ya..i have a heart. i get hurt. im human and i cry because of this.. i realize im no one in anybody's life at all. and i have fear to love. im afraid of losing love so i never ever start ..because every time i hope, it is always crushed.. 

i understand that everyone has the right to seek for jodoh and they have to make efforts and strive for it. but not at the expense of soemthing else. do u agree with me? this type of guy treats girl nicely when he thinks she's a potential 'candidate' but then when she no longer serve his interest, slowly and carefully back off then puff dissapear like nothing happend.

this type mothers and fathers, or future moms and dads are the self-important sweet talker that you need your daughters to be away from..

 pandai melayan perempuan dan buat perempuan rasa " okay dia ni bole tahan baik ". tapi jangan suka sangat, bila dia jumpa someone new yang dia fikir memenuhi "checklist" dia, slow dia ignore kau dan buat kau rasa seperti sampah dalam tong kaler2 cute. hanya memberi harapan kepada perempuan tetapi tidak tahu cara yang baik utk endkan "something" yang dah built up when he was in the process of usha-ing the girl.

please, tahu umur awak dah lanjut dan dalam process cari teman hidup, tapi awak kena belajar cara layan perempuan dengan lebih baik lagi.

ok ni mungkin takde kaitan dan sangat off topic, but if you watch CHARMED time travel episode, they wont get back to their present time if the lesson they need to learn is not fulfilled. so samalah situation nya dengan awak mister, maybe you need a lesson on how to treat women a little better then only you will find Your ONE. until then, stop desperately texting people's daughter and sweet talking them then left when she no longer fit into your long checklist!  cause that's a cruel thing to do. until you understand this, goodluck finding the one.

Bridesmaid Part II

as you all have read from my previous post ( if u have hehe) that i had to"reject" my friend's offer to be her bridesmaid because i literally was in financial distress and she was nowhere near from being an understanding friend. i decided not to go to the wedding and, the bridesmaid task was cancelled although i had got the bridesmaid dress ready  and bought the shawl to match.

my other friend was going. she was determined to be a bridesmaid. she was our representative ( they are 5 of us) and only her could move on with the plan.

unfortunately, that week, there was a landslide incident on the highway road that leads to K _______ where the wedding was. the road was closed and informed to be dangerous for road users to pass. alternative paths  were suggested to reach their intended destinations, however, the bus trip that B was on, was cancelled.

all of us missed her wedding. i felt bad that i couldnt come. but i could imagine how sad B was because she really wanted to attend the wedding and be a bridesmaid.

i admit  everything happens for a reason.

there was a reason behind all my cranky-fiasco and my reluctance to go through with the plan from the beginning. that was it.

im happy that A's wedding was a dream came true. 

on the 6th of December 2015, another friend of mine got married.

and i was swamped with assignments and it was impossible for me to go back to Pahang and attend her wedding. it was sad. 

both of them had a beautiful wedding. ive seen it on instagram.

i cant wait for my big day, and my prince to come and find me. 

haihh hehe... im 25 and yes, i do want my happy ending...craving for it!! wish me luck all. keep me in your duas. thanks :)

Just a bridesmaid..not the Bride..

One of my besties in matrics is going to get married and guess what? she wants me to be one of her bridesmaid!! Ive never done this girly girl thing before. I have insecurities and anxieties that I may mess up her wedding. Gelabah giler right?

I bickered with the future bride. Because i refuse to be the bridesmaid.

i wanted to come, but as a guest like others je. Hahahaha

Bukan tak nak. Tapi banyak kekangan kot. Aku happy je kalau best friend jemput wedding dia. Makan free sape tak suka. And tengok kawan baik sendiri bersanding, dua tiga kali suka!!

Tapi aku tak suka benda- benda bidaah wedding orang sekarang ni. Nak ber braidesmaid bagai. Aku faham semua orang nak gambar wedding cantik cantik. Aku pon nak. Tapi mesti la orang yang kau nak appoint jadi bridesmaid tu willing nak jadi bridesmaid kau.

Aku tak nak. Aku repeat banyak kali kat bride to be aku tak nak. Sebab aku tak biasa buat semua tu. Aku nak datang happy happy je.. Nak makan, nak be there for her on her happiest day.

but i am short of money right now. my ptptn loan has finished. setakat keluar makan dengan dorang haritu boleh la sebab makan je... i slept at her house that night becauce it was really late to catch LRT trip to go back to campus. then that night , the future bride gave me kain pasang to be made the bridesmaid dress. and it is SATIN. i am so insecure it is gonna make me look fatter than i already am!

i was really dissapointed because she doesnt cover the expenses for the tailoring of the bridesmaid dress. it is expensive.

i literally, honestly, do not have money to cover these expenses.

 there is other bridesmaid to-be with me that night. all night long she has been supporting everything the future bride says. i didn't get any support from anyone at all . i was really annoyed. from sincerely i wanted to attend her wedding, to annoyed and i even thinking not to come. because they talk to selfishly. i could not believe how selfish they were that night.  i explained every reasons why i cant be there on the wedding. but none gave me empathy at all.

i said okay later that night because i didnt want to drag this further. i wanted to sleep . it was almost 2 am.

but my heart was still reluctant.

the next morning, the future bride (A) , the other bridesmaid to be (B)  and me, went to look for shawls at Jakel. unfortunately, the colour that the bride aimed to have is SOLD OUT.

She wanted  the exact colour. i found the colour that is 99% similar to her sample, only the material is different, and they both rejected it. do you know how stressful i was that day? i just wanted to go back to campus.

then they decided to look around Jakel , maybe we'd find the colour at different stores there. i  went and i knew we were not going to find it because she cannot tolerate similar colours, she wants the exact SOLD OUT material. the exact one.

we did not find it at any stores we looked in around Jakel. we get into the car because she wanted to look in KL branch. we were in Shah Alam. in the car, i show the sample chiffon cardigan i was going to get to go with the kain pasang to be made the bridesmaid dress. i found a sample dress from Zawara instagram account. i showed it to her, and we decided to visit Zawara just a few steeps away from our car, so that she can approve whether i can wear it to the wedding or not.. she wants the exact colour. it is satin kain pasang.. if i choose chiffion material, the similar colour but one tone lighter, she doesnt approve. one tone ! vjust a tone, not a different colour, a tone!!  and she wont approve it. imagine if i shopped alone and just come to the wedding with it. she probably wont approve what i wear at all.

it was rough for me. she was being so fussy. i cant bare with that much. i was too annoyed.

 i was forced to be her bridesmaid, i was forced to look for same exact material at different stores , and i have quiz on Monday that i haven't revise for yet! ( it was Saturday morning) and i have to pay for all expenses, when i had no money. LITERALLY.

that night they asked me to get a "loan" from my parents. i cant do that. to me, that is really selfish of them.

i  am not from a rich family. my parents do not have a lot of money. it is not easy for me to ask them for money like this. A and B did not or they just wont understand when i said i dont have any money to spend on th it. is. they would just disregard it. maybe they think it was nothing, but i repeat, i dont have money for real.

this dress and that dress... it is still pink right????

before we reach Zawara, i saw  the chiffon blouse that could go with the  SATIN kain pasang.. the same colour but they said, it is different colour. it is not like the SATIN is red and i picked blue chiffon, it is still RED but just one tone warmer! one! i almost give up.

tell me if im wrong. isnt this dress also pink?!!

 and at that store i made a hasty decision and i lost rm 50 over a blouse that now i will not wear.

 i found one blouse that she approved of, from the store but when i tried it back in campus, it does not fit well. now i will not wear it. there u go rm 50.

There at the store, God had mercy on me. we  found the one shawl exactly like the material and color A wanted. B found it, but i was stressed, and they asked me if i wanted it, i said YES immidietly and it's mine. B had to find another shawl because that was the only piece.




i had to pay for the shawl as well. i panicked because there was no more money in my purse that moment. i asked A to pay for me first , i would withdraw some money after. ( i had to withdraw money from Tabung Haji account because i have no money left. this account is not supposed to be touched, but i had to.. i was desperate and no one understood me).

i paid her back before i left for LRT station to go back to my campus.(more expensive because Gombak to Bts is not the route i always take.).

i just want to get way from them as soon as possible because a part inside of me could not believe how i became best friends with these selfish people. seriously. i no longer feel sincere to do this bridesmaid thingy nor i want to come  to her  wedding because of these.

i came back to my campus, kancheong-ing , looking for a tailor that would sew this kain pasang into a bridesmaid dress with a low price. i was busy googling, asking, and texting many people about tailor, while i needed to study for quiz that Monday!!! i couldn't stand how stressful it was- if i did not settle the tailor part quickly..

 i found one, and it is at Plaza IDAMAN near to ONG TAI KIM ..i dont have a car, so i had to ask a kind friend of mine to take me there. thankfully, she was willing to take me and the tailor said it will cost me rm 85 for the bridesmaid dress. i had to pay deposit. afraid to tell my parents, i used the money i withdrew from Tabung Haji earlier to pay the deposit for the dress.

I felt depressed. A or B did not give me any empathy at all. especially A.. she comes from a well to do family. i am her friend, and her bridesmaid for crying out loud!!  this was her idea. i expect she showed me some mercy or understanding about my situation. she was full on selfish! i couldn't believe it. she was the same person who gave me lunch money when i ran out of it (matrics year) , when my parents could only come after work to hand me the money... now she doesn't even understand when i say i honestly have no money.  people change. now i really believe that.

the solemnization and reception will take place at her house which is far from KL. i am in my semester and assignments and presentation is piling up. i thought maybe there will be time for me on the weekend to attend this wedding but it is complicated than expected.

• it will take rm 70 fuel money if we were to drive to there, plus toll fare will be more than rm 70 lah..
• if traveled by bus, it is 8 hours from KL (one way)
• the smartest plan is to board on a plane. one hour return flight.

i talked about this with B. and it was so hard to communicate and make plans with these 2 seriously!

they do not reply whatsapp, B just reply after 5 till 830pm??? and A will reply late. and i am the one who has to spend my time planning and searching for cheap tickets and time that suits us!!

B is working and she is only free after 2.30pm Friday ( wedding is on Saturday). On Friday, i do not have class.. so my time is  a lot more flexible than B..i did everything ok.

i looked for tickets slot, and showed her. i texted A about it, but sometimes her mind is elsewhere and i have to explain in AGAIN!

i didnt wanna get angry nor being cranky and hard to cooperate with - but she was annoying ok! at least try to pay attention. im doing this for your wedding! please appreciate it.. gosh

B , whenever i screenshot the tickets slot that is suitable for us, she is a bit reluctant to book them. Probably because i said, i would have to borrow her money for the flight tickets. when A says anything, she's a YES MACHINE. but behind A, about tickets to get to the wedding , she's stalling and delaying our decision making.the tickets are selling fast and we missed a few good opportunities.

do you know how stressful this is????

and do you know what this means? i have to take the bus! 8 hours on the road. 16 hours altogether.

at some point, i really hate them. literally hate both of them for not understanding my situation. help me, to help u ..u know!

when A and B reacted that way, i still tried to convince A of another way. i was really desperate.. i made effort but they didn't seem to give a shit..

 i asked A to sponsor  our flight tickets. at least sponsor us one thing, i wouldn't feel so burdened about the costs..lher father is rich ok. her family is a well to do family..but she didn't show any empathy. she  thought i was kidding in the whats app texts..and i started to think, if this is how selfish she could be with me, why should I ever care to attend this wedding.

she never consider my situation, all she cares about is we get there, and be her bridesmaid. she doesnt care how will we get there, just be there by hook or by crook.

selfish. inconsiderate.

a month later, the dress is done. again i have to ask a kind friend who owns a car to get me to Plaza IDAMAN. and she did. i paid for the dress ( rm65 more). it fits me well.

i used a lot of money and it burdens my parents. this month, i have a presentation that requires me to look presentable and professional. i bought a new blouse and new shawl to prepare for it. i pick the affordable ones.

 my mother is unwell and we constantly have to spend money. my youngest brother is in his tertiary studies like me. so we need money from our parents from time to time. i am from an average family, and believe me when i say what she asks me to do is burdening.

maybe some of you who come across this entry will say i am "berkira" ,small matter only whats the fuss!!  stingy and "tak sporting" or anything.. you don't walk in my shoes, you wont know how it is..

 i had one week semester break.i went back home to my parents. i talked to my mum about this. i did not tell my dad because he is burdened enough. my mum is kind because she thinks that A deserves wedding gift because she helped me when i was in matrics.My mum  gave me RM150 for me to buy A's wedding gift. she seems reluctant to let me go travel to somewhere i have not been by bus. and i did not want to worry her.. i said maybe i will not go, i am busy with assignments.. i told her about the dress costs and she says it's ok. what is done is done..

when i was heading back to KL, before i walked out the door my mum asked me again if i wanted to go. i just said most probably not.. then my dad interjected " go where" . i said to A's wedding in K_ _ _ _ _ _ _ .he made a  troubled face. he knew i would need money. then i told my mum "no" because if i were to go, i  need to go by flight because it wont take much time, and it is rm 100 to go to KLIA by taxi from campus.. i dont have that much. so i wont go.  i just wanted to make my parents feel relieved.

then my mum added in front of my dad " she needs to go to her friends wedding but it is in K--------- , i dont approve of her going. it is too far" .then i kissed my mums hand and get in the car. this conversation ends here with my parents.

i went back to KL, thinking how would i go to A's wedding. she is my best friend,the dress is done.. but at the same time, she's being totally  inconsiderate.

she told us she would rent us a homestay, but her lecturer rents it for her classmates and we have to stay at her house on the day.( i dont get it).. on the day, there will be chaotic, we may not able to sleep.. it is not a guest room, it is her sister's room. now one more bridesmaid ( our long lost click has been found. literally. she dissapeared after matrics) and more space needed to sleep. i don't think i can bare. i am the type of person that if i don't get enough sleep, usually i will have flu, then i cant function for the day. im  not kidding nor im being difficult. this is what usually happen to me. and to think of this would likely to happen on the day of someone else's wedding,and im the bridesmaid,  headache.


i have no money. i have to travel 16 hours by bus. i may not have enough sleep. i may ruin the photography session with my tired eyes.im not that photogenic, plus that satin dress.. urghhh

NO.

that's it. i cant go. if it is meant to be, it will be smooth, but it's not. if A sponsored either my dress, the shawl or the tickets , i can be more considerate , but she doesn't.

my selfish self took over and planned my way out of this.

i watch Pretty Little Liars too much .i made up a story. i feel guilty for A. But i actually do not have the money to make it to the wedding. it was a white lie.

please do not judge me.

i tried to tell A and B that i could not go since the very beginning -  the night A gave me kain pasang to be made a dress! we bickered and i explained REASONS why i can't  be her bridesmaid, i want to come as a common guest if she still insists ( i dont have to pay for any tailoring, i can just wear what is in my wardrobe).but they didn't listen at all.this is my only way out. i have been selfless along the way.

I told them I cant go because my of decentralized examination. i texted them ASAP in the class after my lecturer  told me  i have a midterm a day after the wedding. if i went, i would only  reach KL in the early morning of Sunday , and i will not have  the time to revise or rest because of the long hour bus trip and that'd be crazy

they replied my  text as if they knew i was lying but i don't know. maybe they do, maybe they don't.

im out.
C  bridesmaid is found.
 i think all will be OK.inshallah... we pray for the best yes?

i offer my dress and my shawls to A, if she has any relatives that would fit into my dress and borrow it for the day. for the photography shoot.

A says she will tell me if she needs me to post them to her.

i do regret and saddened by the fact that that i wont be able to reunite with all members of my group ( besties)  after 5 years we are separated because of this lie and this situation im in..

this is the only time the 5 of us will get together...


i guess it is fine.

 A,B are okay with me. A asks about my opinion on her makeup for the day.. i give opinions on bridesmaids dress etc. everything is fine.

though i will not be at her wedding,  i can send prayer that her wedding will be smooth, and everything will be as planned amiin.

i just wish i didnt have to lie...