#random . something by professional people caught my attention..

from a medical page by a doctor ..not that i firmly believe it. just for fun . but i like the way my preference  of these pics describes my personality..

i prefered no 5 which says :

5. You are self-assured and in charge. You are very independent. Your guiding principle in life is 'I'll do it my way.'. You are very self-reliant and know how to stay strong for yourself and the people you love. You know exactly what you want and are not afraid of pursuing your dreams. The only thing you demand from people is honesty. You are strong enough to accept the truth.

impressively related to me. 

i do like to know truth. to me, if people dont like me, or my personality, it's better for them to TELL ME. coz if i do not know, everytime they annoy me, id be hurt and wondering y they hurt me .. then being sad like damsel in distress. if i know, life would be easier!! i already know certain people dont like me..if they do anything bad that hurts my feeling, i dont have to wonder  why..I ALREADY KNOW WHY. see easy ??

and  people do tell me that they feel force ( i dono if this is the correct word) to have to do what i want to do .for example if i want to eat at McD and others want to eat at Sushi, i wont follow them to Sushi. im ok if i have to eat at McD alone . i just dont believe in wasting money to things i dont want. IM NOT RICH yo! and some ppl feel forced because they want to do everything TOGETHER.. then they claim that they have to follow me to eat where i want to tho they refuse it ... i dont force. i just like to have it my way... and there's nothing wrong with eating separately for me, as long as everyone happy. if they wana eat together, then they have to choose only 1 place to eat, thats their prob for not being so FLEXIBLE isnt it? not mine.

yeah..im self reliant . i got it from my dad. once i know how to do it, i like to do it myself . lots of girls like to do things together right? i mean if shes going to class, she needs to wait for friend, to eat she  needs to be little hungry because she waits for her friend. i mean come on.. all those u can do it urself right? we were in the womb alone, in grave alone, why not be little independent? it doesnt hurt. it makes u stronger.

i do feel stronger year to year, waiting for this one guy i love since i was 18 years old. i dont feel like i want anyone else.. he makes me happy in every way he is. i dont care if we are far apart . He is always in my prayer, and  i always pray that he eventually be mine . in shaa Allah

and for every semester , i put intention to get into deans list for Umi and Abah. i got them for 4 times in a row. i got lazy, stressed out, i cried coz of those , but yeah those make me stronger to keep my parents happy. i dont have money, i dont work yet. i just want to pay my parents' hard work to keep me in school by giving them good grades so that they are happy. that's all i can do, and i will be strong for it .sometimes it's really hard, but needed to be done.

people say, others have to be "mirror" for u in order for you to know 'you' . i agree. if ppl ask me to describe myself ..i'd be ummmmm.... ummm... lol 

we discover ourselves as we grow mature everyday ..i dont wana miss any of  it ! after all,we got to LIVE not just SURVIVE right? 

october 19th 2013

i watched INSIDIOUS 2 today. 

i liked it a lot!! im not into horror until i saw this one. and the others by James Wan. i give it  4 stars.. 

so i went with Shahira. my neighbour at home ,also my former schoolmate. she's a law student. she left her blanket , she wanted a new one. we shopped a bit after watching . she brought her friend along, who was wearing literally her pjs because it wasnt planned . 

we both wanted to go out, but she decided to tag along on last min. yep, she went to watch movie at the mall wearing pjs and tudung hahahhaha..1 whole day ok ..we went home at 7pm something ..i brought garlic butter spread WHICH MAKES ME SO HAPPY. i just love the taste of garlic!!! dono why hahah..im into vampires too ,like the Cullens :)  *off topic*

and German dark chocolate with whole hazelnuts Ritter SPORTS? yeah tastes awesome!!!

it was raining. i hope i forgot wat i watched. i hate it being not scared during the movie but scared when i was abt to go to sleep. shits.

as usual, i watched the subs mostly hahahahhaha.. chicken

i havent done any study yet.

today is a long day for me.

i thought i lost my phone.

when i realised it's not with me, i looked everywhere in the  room , i checked my bag. not there! 

so i rushed into a taxi to Shahira hostel. pakcik taxi pitied me. he didnt charge me anything. he said "loook for ur phone, i pity u " *in malay la* ..

I didnt remember her room. i went by hunch tryin to recall what she told me. close enough. i knocked on room 1.6 shes actually at 1.5 ..

she wasnt there. she went to female sport court  sth to play ball she bought along with the blanket.. it was so hard!!! 

then i took a taxi to top up my secondary phone to call people who might know shahira's no..at melawati utama? i dono that place's name.. my money runs like water on the fare ..ayyo ..dah la pokai.. 

then i made announcement on FB, abt me losing my phone and im not reachable on my primary number.trying so hard to reach shahira. i asked ppl desperately for her no bcoz she's not online!!! ppl check ur FB plz!! hahahah

i was stressed out! i got numbers of friends but they dont pick up coz thats my new number i was calling them with . so annoying. u think i want to mengorat u eh? perasan hahahhaha

anyways, i reached the one who tagged  along with us tadi. she gave me shahira's no but she wasnt picking up calls!!! *so angry ok*  so she helped me go to shahira's room to see if shes asleep or not there etc. 

i angrily texted shahira to pickup her phone. finally i got to speak to her, and Izzati *tagged along-friend*  just arrived at her door hahahha

she checked her car, i gave a call to my primary phone coz it was on silent MODE.

of course , when you lose your phone, IT'S IDEALLY ON SILENT!!!!!!! stress aku!

she told me it was on her backseat .. simple as that . alhamdulillah phone's found .

sayang phone.. i even thought of going back to the mall where we watched movie. but my instinct told me it's not that bad. so i didnt  go ..i couldnt afford to go anyway..so tired n waste  of money. after reloading my prepaid on 2ndary phone, i went back to IIUM. safer like that. i was alone!!!

so yeah,i couldnt just sit there tho my insticnt didnt feel anything bad .. i guess that's just how women work right. they worry. hahahhaha i am one. so it's OK :p ..it's our nature to worry

day 3 raya aidiladha 1434 H

i went back to campus early. have quiz and exam on 23, 24, 31 oct .. i havent read what im supposed to read hahhah

memang x la aku nak baca masa cuti raya kan!

i went back by bus. so f-ing tiring!! 

1 handbag, 1 laptop backpack, 1 small balik kampong bag yg packed hahhaha...typical woman :p

i thought id go back to campus on Sunday. But i think better today.. since i havent done laundry, havent read bla bla.. 

so , actually i just want to doodle that today i could independently travel by bus from my hometown to here !! hahhahahaha tu jer.. xde apa pon..

im skeptical abt going back alone. but when i think abt it, till when? i need to learn to be more independent kan? dah besa gedabak mana bole xreti lagi hahahha malu....

so yeah alhamdulillah.. i made it. stopped to eat Chicken Rice at The Chicken Rice Shop sekejap isi perut . then only i continued.

man those bags hurt my shoulders!!! felt like wearing a heavy vs wings like Ale Ambrosio in 2006 hahahaha! it's still hurt as im writing.

im glad i arrived safely here .and it is sad to leave before Sunday. oh btw, there's no cafe nearby me opened. have to go out to eat hahahha... staffs r there but they just dont cook!

i think everybody has to be here in order for them to open cafe. so not thoughtful rightt

My bro is taking SPM on 6th November. xsempat nak ajar English comprehensively to him. I only did yesterday. He got what i taught him.. and i told him to Google if he doesn't know anything. ya know, since he's being online 24/7 ..why not use it for studying haha.. and i feel like i spent little time with my parents but they r OK. i guess when u come home then u leave home, homesick is wajib right? 

i miss my family now. :'( they r always in my prayer.

aku x reti naik bas HAHAHAHAH

eid adha is around the corner . everyone balik kampong.. or going to, in a few days..

aku punya la panic this raya , selalunyer xkesah pon balik ke x.. kalau xbalik kafe iium ni bukan nak bukak sgt pon .xbalik kang kebulur plak ..ada je certain cafes kat mahallah ( hostel) where the international students reside tu bukak tp malas aku ..

adik ngn abah sebok tanya bila aku nak balik sume.. aku pon pegila cari tiket hari Selasa. Balik 9pm khamis .. astu tadi aku pegi (rainy 10/10 night), awal gak la ke Greenwood , tp aku ni mmg xreti naik bas pon, kalau balik from Pudu , Fani yg  direct mana nk pegi aku ikot jer,

so  yg haritu aku panic, beli tiket dulu ..so Fani xbalik ngn aku hahhahaha

tula panic sangat!! org balik la tugeder geder.

ceritanya ni, aku terlepas bas hahahhahahha. 

dulu ktorg telepas bas once . tp beli tiket baru. haha ..pkol 6 intially, then kol 11 sth ... xpela . 2 org kali ni, aku sorg , mintak tolong PiPOT hanta pegi Greenwood... tapi aku tesalah tggu kat bus stop budak2 Kelantan bhahahhahah...tiket aku bas transnasional . tmpat tggu dia kat depan ... aku tggu kat belakang ..aku loser skit xtau mcm mana nak tggu bas kat mana2  =p aku xsalu naik bas pon. bapak je amik ..

so bila sorg jadila mcm ni hahhaha..aku ikot pipot ,wani,syiqin pegi makan mamak, tutti frutti ,sebelum balik for curfew uia.. xkesah la..balik uia lagi selamat .bole balik bilik aku tdo .

tadi plan nak cari tiket pegi pudu tp hesitate sbb jauh .takot smpai2 counter tiket tutup. pastu nak balik iium semula dh malam, lrt tutup..  takut la! nasib baik balik iium semula.

dulu stranded kat batu caves sbb balik berjalan lepas kol 12. xde taxi xde bas..tu aku ngn Fani, kalau mcm ni sorg2 baik xyah nak cari bala!

so here i am, in my room, thinking nak balik ke x selepas kecewa sikit xdpt naik bas independently balik umah .. aku asa nak balik esok lusa..tgk la caner.. merajok hahahhaha

experience as i grow older .. selamat hari raya aidil adha to all muslims  :) have a safe journey to your hometown!!

me...

online supplement : aurawhite

hi all. i want to do some kind of review, i think more like a warning to consumers out there who use this supplement called Aurawhite Gluthathione collagen.

i googled for hours and days before buying this and i was convinced that it was all pure non chemical supplement. but i definately have something to say abt it. i guess im wrong.

it's a supplement . powder form. shaker inculded.. haha. blueberry flavour. (now they released choc)

tastes like ribena. drank 2x a day. product of thailand. sold at rm 150 in malaysia.

ive been using it for 2 jars,religiously daily! and all i find is it fades my scarring ( new ones-after 3 weeks) but not much of whitening my skin. i dono if it really works because i have beige skin to begin with.

u have to really drink a lot of water to detoxify your body in order for this product to be effective.

i cant umm... i dont get the chance to experience further effectiveness of this product because it gives me a problem. it messes with my menstrual cycle!!

my menses was always on the dot. and after taking this supplement, i have to beg GOD for my menses! 

im serious!! it's late for almost 2 months!! never happened to me! the worst was 2 weeks late but this is worrying...

i went to the doctor and she asked me to stop consuming this product. it messes with my hormones.

i think it works differently in individuals. our body systems are different. it's almost a month now i wait for my next menses. still not bleeding. see the prob?! it's relly scary!

and other thing i noticed is, when my 1st jar was finished. and i didnt have it for like 1 and half month, my skin colour was back to normal. and i left the shaker for like a week without washing it because i plan to buy a new jar. ( new jar new shaker). i find that the raspberry coloured liquid turned black and u cant really wash it off with running water. i had to  use my finger and sponge to get it off.

it scares me because if it sticks like that to the shaker, imagine what it can do to body system if we dont  detoxify enough while consuming this. it's risky.

im really skeptic about online product . didnt relly pay attention to any of it before..i usually do research on every ingredient and anything related to it, cause effects, testimonils.. i usually didnt fall easily... this one looked organic to me so i went for it!

wrong move   !!!!

but im just trying to preserve what is already there. i thought i was making it better but haha... im wrong.

it claims to have many benefits covering health and beauty, i just experince one ...

and it looks really convincing  when the promotional and advertising purposes include celebrity..lighting and makeup...

 hanez suraya is the icon. i guess it's just placebo right? i mean in a video on FB, this hanez suraya didnt get the NAME of the product right..she to do second take and she looks at the jar to get the name right ..i mean if u really have been consuming this for some time, ud know what u consume and the NAME of the product of course........

i guess i fell for false advertising . and fooled. i didnt finish the 2nd bottle coz i get relly scared. never repurchase again. not effective.

do seek medical attention imidietly  if ur experiencing the stated condition k.

Last minute shopping

i did last minute raya shopping ..

i thought it would be a lot easier..but god..i almost give up!

i thought i was gonna go home empty handed.

i was looking for simple plain Bawal tudung only!!!! all kiosks were closed. everyone's going back to kampong..tutup kedai and it was almost iftar time...

i broke fast on the road today. Minum Milo tin jer with my bro he had soya Drinho ahahah

i got 3 plain bawal exactly the colours i want . Alhamdulillah. esok balik kampong.

Eid Mubarak to all Muslims =)

Ramadhan - day 3 1432 Hijrah

this one caught my eye while browsing Fb..

it's true... Adam and Hawa were sinned and descended to Dunya (Earth) as punishment for disobeying Allah's command not to eat the Khuldi fruit *if im not mistaken*

it is our 2nd "world" after the WOMB and happens to be the longest one we are in.

"worlds" every insaan has to go through :


1- the womb
2- dunya
3- barzakh
4- akhirah

Adam's original "HOME" was the paradise ( our eternal home eventually for the doers of good) , but it seems like we often make dunya our priority and neglect our preparations that could  be done for Akhirah, the eternal home of ours. this is a reminder to myself also.

do everything that makes us closer to Allah everyday, even if it's a small thing. Allah loves those who are  Istiqamah in Ibadah.

im really attaracted to Maher Zain's song - DUNYA ..it's beautiful and constantly remind me of my purpose here as a slave of Allah.

"This Worldly Life (Dunya)"

How beautiful, is this worldly life
But not a soul shall remain
We all come into this world
Only to leave it one day
I can see that everything around me
Rises then fades away
Life is just a passing moment
Nothing is meant to stay, oh

This worldly life has an end
And it's then real life begins
A world where we will live forever
This beautiful worldly life has an end
It's a just bridge that must be crossed
To a life that will go on forever

So many years, quickly slipping by
Like the Sleepers of the Cave
Wake up and make a choice
Before we end up in our graves
O God! You didn't put me here in vain
I know I'll be held accountable for what I do
This life is just a journey
And it's taking me back to You

This worldly life has an end
And it's then real life begins
A world where we will live forever
This beautiful worldly life has an end
It's a just bridge that must be crossed
To a life that will go on forever

So many get caught in this beautiful web
Its gardens become an infatuation
But surely they'll understand at the final stop
That its gardens are meant for cultivation, oh

This worldly life has an end
And it's then real life begins
A world where we will live forever
This beautiful worldly life has an end
It's a just bridge that must be crossed
To a life that will go on forever

so remember everyone, Dunya is just a bridge to Akhirah, wise people wont build a big house on a bridge right? our destination is Akhirah , and the goal is Paradise.

Balance up our deeds for Dunya and Akhirah, we all could  meet as neighbours in Jannatul Firdaus . in shaa Allah .Amiin  =)

parents

mine's pessimistic and skeptic.. susah nak introduce benda baru to them.. even small matter like buying clothings online pon, they are skeptical about it..

it's a lot easier if ur like me right lazy to go out and spend hours on foot looking for the right baju raya. im being innovative and not hurting anyone, but they still narrowing their minds to the narrowest alley ..huhu.. apa dah ni

im dissapointed . they cant even be supportive to me for smallest matter like changing the way of buying clothings or stuff .. 

like when i ask for my mom's address coz if i give our home address none is home or im sleeping ke apa, she refused to cooperate and acted like i ask her to give up our house or sth...

 it's so frustrating u know, when u and ur parents differ in a GREAT way! why not open up to new horizon? stop being soo pessimistic and see how that goes.. i was just buying clothings not multimillion dollar house! ok

nothing can go right if i do what im abt to do according to them...

just because i do it differently than usual, doesnt mean it wont work like always right.. ?

how i deal with it:

most of the time, i'll explain a bit, they bash with negative, skeptic statement.i just shut up, exhale, walk away.. if i get sensitive, i'll cry in my room. haaaaaa tudiaaa...

sad lar..... aren't parents supposed to be supportive?

i don't wanna be a parent like that in the future. i'll try to be a good listener to my child if i were a mom..if it's good, i support..why not? there's no need to be skeptic to anythin new right?

i took psychology in my first semester and i learnt that degree of ATTACHMENT is according to mommy's response towards  her child's biological needs. the more responsive the mother to her child, the closer the attachment.

and mine to my mom, when i was little, was very "little"meaning if shes there it's ok if shes not there pon, it's ok.like no impact to the child.

i do love my mom. she puts my needs before her needs now i see it as i grow mature everyday,

but back then, the attachment of me to my mom was very subtle. i even thought i was adopted *it's true!! and i told her how i felt , i even asked her haha*. worse i thought my granny was my mom hahaha!

my mom was sick when i was born.. so she coudnt take care of me when i was a baby. i lived with my grandparents till i was 7.

then when they take me back  living with them when i was 8. i got separation anxiety but none knows..it was a shock to live fulltime with them..when my granny was alive, they visited me every week .. in fact the back to back separation anxiety caused by the weekly visit by my parents effect my emotional condition as a child right. when my parents left as they were going back home, and me left with my grandparents at kampong, i cried. when i had to leave my grandparents weekly sometimes and lived with parents also, i cried. see? unstable emotions.. i wasnt a happy baby.

according to what ive learnt in psycho class, a happy baby will developed to a smart, confident and independent etc person with high self esteem..and i think thats what im lacking due to all this, = high self esteem. im improving it myself im trying to be + all the time, and try to be different from the "root" i belong to.. a bit..it's not all bad.. i just cant take when anyone being constantly  pessimistic...

ahahah my emo story

i do love my parents. god's gift for me. when i was in my darkest hour, they were the ones who were with me when everyone turned their back *i'll have an entry on this* ,but something abt them i disagree thats all.im just venting out frustration on one thing.
 i dont want to do what they do to me to my future children..

i read somewhere, when ur child tells u everything is a sign of successful parenting.

most of the time, i write in blog or in my diary hahaha . that's a lot easier.. besides, talking is tiring. writing and typing is a lot easier. it's ok, i dont blame them.. not all parents have perfect parenthood. we are all FLAWED.

speaking of parenthood,i do admire DR Halina Yunos mommyhood journey. her way of raising her children, the way she talks to her child, Sophea Isabella..Bella, she's an example of a happy baby. do read her blog .it's awesome!!! her blog is always sth i come back to tho im not yet a mom. so informative and enjoyable at the same time =)  nice! check this out Barelysupermommy . 

i wana be a mom like her =)

and do love our parents bcoz we're nobody without them.

it may work in fairy tales...

love at first sight. 

do u believe in that?

if u ask me.

I DON'T.

that's rubbish. i think personally. it's 100% based on looks!

you could only see the external side of him or her, not inside.. it's only one dimensional and totally unfair!

because lets face it, it only happens to "beautiful creatures" / handsome men and beautiful women..

why i say this?

based on my years of observation and tests ive conducted, *ececey haha* it's proven to be TRUE!

lets face the reality yah?

for men,
ur walking in a mall, or park, then suddenly a beautiful woman passes by across the hall ,she  caught your eyes...tall, with big lustrous eyes, curly natural lashes, curvy, skinny, fair, dark wavy long hair..

or

 women,
ur jogging at the park , tall handsome , great cheekboned, toned, tall well built body just crossed your way..

only them will caught our attention right? only these type of people. it's because  they are good looking. good looking people caught our attention. it wont happen to just anyone! believe me.

would there be love at first sight for chubby, dark skinned, short build, ordinary looking people???

NOPE. i dont think so. sorry to say.

i know this sounds really harsh and some might bash it with " beauty is subjective you know" ya ya... thats cliche...

we're talking about LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT here.. and seriously think that it doesnt really applicable to all ... just to those who are genetically blessed with good looks ( natural , non heavy  makeup state) .. it doesnt really exist.

true love does exist. love at 1st sight? naah, nope!


it's movie propaganda. u know when u watch Bollywood movie maybe, they say this a lot!

 once u see one in a movie,  u try to recall what i say;
 " it only happens to beautiful people" - look at the guy the heroine is having her love at first sight with. is she short, plump  or tall dark and handsome? or the girl the guy is having LAFS with- is she fat, short, and dark, or shes tall, curvy and head- to -toe a perfection????

hmm ... ??

so there u go..

i just want to point this out, coz the world we're living today, it seems so competative to me, in search of THE ONE. and looks always prevail. that's shallow right?

im not talking baseless...

it's all based on experience.

beautiful girls and handsome guys, their lives of course have ups and down like everyone else, they are not perfect. maybe they are perfect based on looks, but maybe other aspects, they lack of this and that like we all do..what im saying is, it is a lot easier, and they get a lot luckier to find THE ONE to spend the rest of their lives with compared to those who are average looking..

based on my experience in university, all my friends whom are - attaractive looking friends, most of them have bfs, engaged, some of them are married...see? it's not really hard for them to look for THE ONE since they're pretty.. Alhamdulillah they've found sincere soul mates to spend their lives with.

but being pretty or handsome has its price... ya know..

how does he or she know that their partners truly love them for who they are or just because they are beautiful "tropy" to be shown off to da world ? hmm

it has its pros and cons being BEAUTIFUL CREATURES i guess huh? mostly what ive seen, are their lucky sides.

all in all, i just want to emphasize that love at first sight only works in fairy tales, movies and to pretty people. In the real world, it doesnt really work that way baby... wake up wake up..

but what i do believe in is, good heart reflects outside. Just be a good person, have a clean, kind heart, smile always,stay positive and happy. it's personality that captures the heart at the end of the day. Beauty is desirable. but it wont last. once u grow older, it fades ..

i think it's too shallow to put values to future spouses based solely on looks. to live with them, we have to live with whom they are not how they dress or look like right?

everyone likes seeing beautiful people, who doesnt?, i do. but when it comes to putting good values to only pretty people and ignore the rest solely based on looks, thats sux.

so people, wake up. love at first sight only happens on movies, among beautiful creatures, and fairy tales.. it exists in those dimensions only, not the reality. but don't grief haha.. as good personality and  kind hearts that matter most and they are THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS imaginable.