Bridesmaid Part II

as you all have read from my previous post ( if u have hehe) that i had to"reject" my friend's offer to be her bridesmaid because i literally was in financial distress and she was nowhere near from being an understanding friend. i decided not to go to the wedding and, the bridesmaid task was cancelled although i had got the bridesmaid dress ready  and bought the shawl to match.

my other friend was going. she was determined to be a bridesmaid. she was our representative ( they are 5 of us) and only her could move on with the plan.

unfortunately, that week, there was a landslide incident on the highway road that leads to K _______ where the wedding was. the road was closed and informed to be dangerous for road users to pass. alternative paths  were suggested to reach their intended destinations, however, the bus trip that B was on, was cancelled.

all of us missed her wedding. i felt bad that i couldnt come. but i could imagine how sad B was because she really wanted to attend the wedding and be a bridesmaid.

i admit  everything happens for a reason.

there was a reason behind all my cranky-fiasco and my reluctance to go through with the plan from the beginning. that was it.

im happy that A's wedding was a dream came true. 

on the 6th of December 2015, another friend of mine got married.

and i was swamped with assignments and it was impossible for me to go back to Pahang and attend her wedding. it was sad. 

both of them had a beautiful wedding. ive seen it on instagram.

i cant wait for my big day, and my prince to come and find me. 

haihh hehe... im 25 and yes, i do want my happy ending...craving for it!! wish me luck all. keep me in your duas. thanks :)

Just a bridesmaid..not the Bride..

One of my besties in matrics is going to get married and guess what? she wants me to be one of her bridesmaid!! Ive never done this girly girl thing before. I have insecurities and anxieties that I may mess up her wedding. Gelabah giler right?

I bickered with the future bride. Because i refuse to be the bridesmaid.

i wanted to come, but as a guest like others je. Hahahaha

Bukan tak nak. Tapi banyak kekangan kot. Aku happy je kalau best friend jemput wedding dia. Makan free sape tak suka. And tengok kawan baik sendiri bersanding, dua tiga kali suka!!

Tapi aku tak suka benda- benda bidaah wedding orang sekarang ni. Nak ber braidesmaid bagai. Aku faham semua orang nak gambar wedding cantik cantik. Aku pon nak. Tapi mesti la orang yang kau nak appoint jadi bridesmaid tu willing nak jadi bridesmaid kau.

Aku tak nak. Aku repeat banyak kali kat bride to be aku tak nak. Sebab aku tak biasa buat semua tu. Aku nak datang happy happy je.. Nak makan, nak be there for her on her happiest day.

but i am short of money right now. my ptptn loan has finished. setakat keluar makan dengan dorang haritu boleh la sebab makan je... i slept at her house that night becauce it was really late to catch LRT trip to go back to campus. then that night , the future bride gave me kain pasang to be made the bridesmaid dress. and it is SATIN. i am so insecure it is gonna make me look fatter than i already am!

i was really dissapointed because she doesnt cover the expenses for the tailoring of the bridesmaid dress. it is expensive.

i literally, honestly, do not have money to cover these expenses.

 there is other bridesmaid to-be with me that night. all night long she has been supporting everything the future bride says. i didn't get any support from anyone at all . i was really annoyed. from sincerely i wanted to attend her wedding, to annoyed and i even thinking not to come. because they talk to selfishly. i could not believe how selfish they were that night.  i explained every reasons why i cant be there on the wedding. but none gave me empathy at all.

i said okay later that night because i didnt want to drag this further. i wanted to sleep . it was almost 2 am.

but my heart was still reluctant.

the next morning, the future bride (A) , the other bridesmaid to be (B)  and me, went to look for shawls at Jakel. unfortunately, the colour that the bride aimed to have is SOLD OUT.

She wanted  the exact colour. i found the colour that is 99% similar to her sample, only the material is different, and they both rejected it. do you know how stressful i was that day? i just wanted to go back to campus.

then they decided to look around Jakel , maybe we'd find the colour at different stores there. i  went and i knew we were not going to find it because she cannot tolerate similar colours, she wants the exact SOLD OUT material. the exact one.

we did not find it at any stores we looked in around Jakel. we get into the car because she wanted to look in KL branch. we were in Shah Alam. in the car, i show the sample chiffon cardigan i was going to get to go with the kain pasang to be made the bridesmaid dress. i found a sample dress from Zawara instagram account. i showed it to her, and we decided to visit Zawara just a few steeps away from our car, so that she can approve whether i can wear it to the wedding or not.. she wants the exact colour. it is satin kain pasang.. if i choose chiffion material, the similar colour but one tone lighter, she doesnt approve. one tone ! vjust a tone, not a different colour, a tone!!  and she wont approve it. imagine if i shopped alone and just come to the wedding with it. she probably wont approve what i wear at all.

it was rough for me. she was being so fussy. i cant bare with that much. i was too annoyed.

 i was forced to be her bridesmaid, i was forced to look for same exact material at different stores , and i have quiz on Monday that i haven't revise for yet! ( it was Saturday morning) and i have to pay for all expenses, when i had no money. LITERALLY.

that night they asked me to get a "loan" from my parents. i cant do that. to me, that is really selfish of them.

i  am not from a rich family. my parents do not have a lot of money. it is not easy for me to ask them for money like this. A and B did not or they just wont understand when i said i dont have any money to spend on th it. is. they would just disregard it. maybe they think it was nothing, but i repeat, i dont have money for real.

this dress and that dress... it is still pink right????

before we reach Zawara, i saw  the chiffon blouse that could go with the  SATIN kain pasang.. the same colour but they said, it is different colour. it is not like the SATIN is red and i picked blue chiffon, it is still RED but just one tone warmer! one! i almost give up.

tell me if im wrong. isnt this dress also pink?!!

 and at that store i made a hasty decision and i lost rm 50 over a blouse that now i will not wear.

 i found one blouse that she approved of, from the store but when i tried it back in campus, it does not fit well. now i will not wear it. there u go rm 50.

There at the store, God had mercy on me. we  found the one shawl exactly like the material and color A wanted. B found it, but i was stressed, and they asked me if i wanted it, i said YES immidietly and it's mine. B had to find another shawl because that was the only piece.




i had to pay for the shawl as well. i panicked because there was no more money in my purse that moment. i asked A to pay for me first , i would withdraw some money after. ( i had to withdraw money from Tabung Haji account because i have no money left. this account is not supposed to be touched, but i had to.. i was desperate and no one understood me).

i paid her back before i left for LRT station to go back to my campus.(more expensive because Gombak to Bts is not the route i always take.).

i just want to get way from them as soon as possible because a part inside of me could not believe how i became best friends with these selfish people. seriously. i no longer feel sincere to do this bridesmaid thingy nor i want to come  to her  wedding because of these.

i came back to my campus, kancheong-ing , looking for a tailor that would sew this kain pasang into a bridesmaid dress with a low price. i was busy googling, asking, and texting many people about tailor, while i needed to study for quiz that Monday!!! i couldn't stand how stressful it was- if i did not settle the tailor part quickly..

 i found one, and it is at Plaza IDAMAN near to ONG TAI KIM ..i dont have a car, so i had to ask a kind friend of mine to take me there. thankfully, she was willing to take me and the tailor said it will cost me rm 85 for the bridesmaid dress. i had to pay deposit. afraid to tell my parents, i used the money i withdrew from Tabung Haji earlier to pay the deposit for the dress.

I felt depressed. A or B did not give me any empathy at all. especially A.. she comes from a well to do family. i am her friend, and her bridesmaid for crying out loud!!  this was her idea. i expect she showed me some mercy or understanding about my situation. she was full on selfish! i couldn't believe it. she was the same person who gave me lunch money when i ran out of it (matrics year) , when my parents could only come after work to hand me the money... now she doesn't even understand when i say i honestly have no money.  people change. now i really believe that.

the solemnization and reception will take place at her house which is far from KL. i am in my semester and assignments and presentation is piling up. i thought maybe there will be time for me on the weekend to attend this wedding but it is complicated than expected.

• it will take rm 70 fuel money if we were to drive to there, plus toll fare will be more than rm 70 lah..
• if traveled by bus, it is 8 hours from KL (one way)
• the smartest plan is to board on a plane. one hour return flight.

i talked about this with B. and it was so hard to communicate and make plans with these 2 seriously!

they do not reply whatsapp, B just reply after 5 till 830pm??? and A will reply late. and i am the one who has to spend my time planning and searching for cheap tickets and time that suits us!!

B is working and she is only free after 2.30pm Friday ( wedding is on Saturday). On Friday, i do not have class.. so my time is  a lot more flexible than B..i did everything ok.

i looked for tickets slot, and showed her. i texted A about it, but sometimes her mind is elsewhere and i have to explain in AGAIN!

i didnt wanna get angry nor being cranky and hard to cooperate with - but she was annoying ok! at least try to pay attention. im doing this for your wedding! please appreciate it.. gosh

B , whenever i screenshot the tickets slot that is suitable for us, she is a bit reluctant to book them. Probably because i said, i would have to borrow her money for the flight tickets. when A says anything, she's a YES MACHINE. but behind A, about tickets to get to the wedding , she's stalling and delaying our decision making.the tickets are selling fast and we missed a few good opportunities.

do you know how stressful this is????

and do you know what this means? i have to take the bus! 8 hours on the road. 16 hours altogether.

at some point, i really hate them. literally hate both of them for not understanding my situation. help me, to help u ..u know!

when A and B reacted that way, i still tried to convince A of another way. i was really desperate.. i made effort but they didn't seem to give a shit..

 i asked A to sponsor  our flight tickets. at least sponsor us one thing, i wouldn't feel so burdened about the costs..lher father is rich ok. her family is a well to do family..but she didn't show any empathy. she  thought i was kidding in the whats app texts..and i started to think, if this is how selfish she could be with me, why should I ever care to attend this wedding.

she never consider my situation, all she cares about is we get there, and be her bridesmaid. she doesnt care how will we get there, just be there by hook or by crook.

selfish. inconsiderate.

a month later, the dress is done. again i have to ask a kind friend who owns a car to get me to Plaza IDAMAN. and she did. i paid for the dress ( rm65 more). it fits me well.

i used a lot of money and it burdens my parents. this month, i have a presentation that requires me to look presentable and professional. i bought a new blouse and new shawl to prepare for it. i pick the affordable ones.

 my mother is unwell and we constantly have to spend money. my youngest brother is in his tertiary studies like me. so we need money from our parents from time to time. i am from an average family, and believe me when i say what she asks me to do is burdening.

maybe some of you who come across this entry will say i am "berkira" ,small matter only whats the fuss!!  stingy and "tak sporting" or anything.. you don't walk in my shoes, you wont know how it is..

 i had one week semester break.i went back home to my parents. i talked to my mum about this. i did not tell my dad because he is burdened enough. my mum is kind because she thinks that A deserves wedding gift because she helped me when i was in matrics.My mum  gave me RM150 for me to buy A's wedding gift. she seems reluctant to let me go travel to somewhere i have not been by bus. and i did not want to worry her.. i said maybe i will not go, i am busy with assignments.. i told her about the dress costs and she says it's ok. what is done is done..

when i was heading back to KL, before i walked out the door my mum asked me again if i wanted to go. i just said most probably not.. then my dad interjected " go where" . i said to A's wedding in K_ _ _ _ _ _ _ .he made a  troubled face. he knew i would need money. then i told my mum "no" because if i were to go, i  need to go by flight because it wont take much time, and it is rm 100 to go to KLIA by taxi from campus.. i dont have that much. so i wont go.  i just wanted to make my parents feel relieved.

then my mum added in front of my dad " she needs to go to her friends wedding but it is in K--------- , i dont approve of her going. it is too far" .then i kissed my mums hand and get in the car. this conversation ends here with my parents.

i went back to KL, thinking how would i go to A's wedding. she is my best friend,the dress is done.. but at the same time, she's being totally  inconsiderate.

she told us she would rent us a homestay, but her lecturer rents it for her classmates and we have to stay at her house on the day.( i dont get it).. on the day, there will be chaotic, we may not able to sleep.. it is not a guest room, it is her sister's room. now one more bridesmaid ( our long lost click has been found. literally. she dissapeared after matrics) and more space needed to sleep. i don't think i can bare. i am the type of person that if i don't get enough sleep, usually i will have flu, then i cant function for the day. im  not kidding nor im being difficult. this is what usually happen to me. and to think of this would likely to happen on the day of someone else's wedding,and im the bridesmaid,  headache.


i have no money. i have to travel 16 hours by bus. i may not have enough sleep. i may ruin the photography session with my tired eyes.im not that photogenic, plus that satin dress.. urghhh

NO.

that's it. i cant go. if it is meant to be, it will be smooth, but it's not. if A sponsored either my dress, the shawl or the tickets , i can be more considerate , but she doesn't.

my selfish self took over and planned my way out of this.

i watch Pretty Little Liars too much .i made up a story. i feel guilty for A. But i actually do not have the money to make it to the wedding. it was a white lie.

please do not judge me.

i tried to tell A and B that i could not go since the very beginning -  the night A gave me kain pasang to be made a dress! we bickered and i explained REASONS why i can't  be her bridesmaid, i want to come as a common guest if she still insists ( i dont have to pay for any tailoring, i can just wear what is in my wardrobe).but they didn't listen at all.this is my only way out. i have been selfless along the way.

I told them I cant go because my of decentralized examination. i texted them ASAP in the class after my lecturer  told me  i have a midterm a day after the wedding. if i went, i would only  reach KL in the early morning of Sunday , and i will not have  the time to revise or rest because of the long hour bus trip and that'd be crazy

they replied my  text as if they knew i was lying but i don't know. maybe they do, maybe they don't.

im out.
C  bridesmaid is found.
 i think all will be OK.inshallah... we pray for the best yes?

i offer my dress and my shawls to A, if she has any relatives that would fit into my dress and borrow it for the day. for the photography shoot.

A says she will tell me if she needs me to post them to her.

i do regret and saddened by the fact that that i wont be able to reunite with all members of my group ( besties)  after 5 years we are separated because of this lie and this situation im in..

this is the only time the 5 of us will get together...


i guess it is fine.

 A,B are okay with me. A asks about my opinion on her makeup for the day.. i give opinions on bridesmaids dress etc. everything is fine.

though i will not be at her wedding,  i can send prayer that her wedding will be smooth, and everything will be as planned amiin.

i just wish i didnt have to lie...

 

It feels like those dark years again.

Im taking Semantics this semester ( a branch of linguistics study) 

 

and the coursework for carry marks is highly laborious task! NO JOKE. you have to see it. and all is done individually. i dont know what the lecturer is thinking . like seriously. 

im stressed out because of SEMANTICS for weeks! i usually love weekends . i look forward to it. but this semester it changes because of this course.

takes a lot of time and a lot of analyses.

can you imagine i have to analyze 6 aspects of verb and each aspect has 50-60 pages table!

let me show you.

imagine this for 50-60s pages times 6!  the fastest you could go is 3 hours per aspect .. this is IMMEDIACY aspect. it took 3 hours to complete if i was diligent.

 

i have to check one by one if it's correct, then count total for each at the end like ONE how many >1 how many..it takes a lot of my time. im super annoyed. i have a lot of other works! im taking other subjects also and they all have their own assignments to offer! the workload is like crazy and im not happy.

 

whats worse is, the number of pages given are not the equal to everyone.

 

i really resent this. terrible laa. not fair. some of us got 6 aspects in one WORD FILE and total pages for all 6 aspects in that ONE file is like 200 pages +- ,some got 180 pages+-.. me i got 50to 60times 6! like what 300-500 pages. and guess what? a friend told me, that a friend of hers only got 5 pages (because she printed them out) 

i felt like i want to go ballistic la . but nothing can be done la

i dont mind if Im not done with it because of time, i can try and make time for it. but the thing is, i cant get it done because i dont understand HOW to analyse it.

the stressful part is. there's no one to do it with! you cant do this alone. you need to discuss at various points ask people..i had to do it alone. i find myself clueless.

like in the addmaths class in form 5.. where i was genuinely clueless and no one wanted to help me.

i felt EXACTLY like that .when i called and Whatsapp-ed a few of my friends that i could count on, to ask  how to do these analyses, then the calls were not picked up ( i called several times and there was no like messages from that person - wasn't voice mail or anything, there was ringing tone) and the whatsapps were replied like ( busy other works to do, i dono how to do it also- but the person has done it last week before the sem break ended) .. when she met me in class, she didn't say anything , why she didnt pick up .. i mean maybe it kills her to help when im in need..

 

it was really sad and i didnt have any other people's numbers because there are new people , I don't even know them. i tried ask a few others that I know, (thank god) at least they teach me HOW to do it although they were not that sure, then i managed to get one aspect done but barely...just like quarter of one file...at least they did not ignore... it is very sad to know that people whom you thought to be your friends are not actually what you think they are.

ive been through this before, but never thought it would echo in the future...

the lecturer said can write anything that you don't understand on whiteboard but the thing is , it was a lot ,and time was very  limited. till now i havent done 2 aspects !! and the other one i have to finish.

i feel like being thrown in the ocean and left drown alone.

 

 the stress of the assignment is common and i can handle it sooner or late but the disappointment to  learn the truth  about ones you call friends is something else.

i wont bother anyone if I could do it coz i know how stressful to get everything done

 

But at those times, i really needed help and i guess discovered what I should know... why cant I find true friends??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love my school!!

im an undergraduate in IIUM.

recently there has been an issue that has grabbed everyone's attention (besides our miserable downgraded wiFI issue) , and those who are in the authority like Student Representative Council (SRC) and a few individuals have stepped up to  help relieve it.

feel like crying just reading it... if i havent eat dinner  after  having lunch that day, id be sooo cranky!

 IIUM Confession (BM) is where everyone in the IIUM community can confess anything anonymously. there was a student who posted that she/he had no food to eat or couldn't afford any. so it became viral on IIUM Confession and triggered these kind- hearted people to start help relieve her/his burden and the likes of them in IIUM. it was there that we realize, not all of us here are lucky. some are not able to eat because of financial limitations.how to study if you're starving???

my SOCA lecturer told her story of not having money to eat. she depended on her pay as research assistant while doing her masters in IIUM. she fed on rm1 fruits sold at the fruit kiosk at the center cafe. she starved while finishing her thesis most of the time.she eats rice if her friend was kind enough to treat her for lunch sometimes. and she only ate chicken if she was lucky that week..and now she has a doctorate  and permanent Sociology lecturer in my university. some people are just resilient!

i know how that feel because i am on PTPTN loan .and the amount after it is credited for tuition fee is not enough for the whole semester. i have to depend on my parents when it runs out.

from my experience, i had shortage of money. but i never starved. 

i always find a way .. *coz im self centered and i love my self so much. no one takes care of me here, so i have to do it myself right ?*

i feel so lucky to have studied here. i love IIUM environment. im so touched to see how  caring and kind hearted people towards others' welfare. especially the students' representatives. i think for things like these, they do a good job to make sure those in need get help they deserve.

look at these ...posted on IIUM online

i feel so blessed , yet sometimes im such an ungrateful person. i wasted food, i wasted money. i think im wiser now as i grow older hahahha

seeing other poeple's hardship make me feel i am lucky enough not to starve like some of us do... 

i admit student's life is challenging, but not as challenging as working life...once you work, you are responsible for your every expenses, and what you earn, you have to divide according to priorities. thinking of this, make me dont want to go on another year!! and i want to extend my semester here just to enjoy student life.. hahahhaa

i like being taken care of financially. okay sounds so immature. let me stop here.

my lecturer, one that i really adore, told us in his class  during our first year, first semester, that "IT IS NORMAL FOR STUDENT TO NOT HAVE MONEY (or poor) THERE'S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF" he studied in the USA for his bachelor and he had to work part time because of  financial limitations. his father is a policeman and his late mom was illiterate... and he made it..i guess hardship is the best life teacher.

so it is common for students not to have money. we're not working people who gets monthly money. we get a bulk, * not so many if you're on ptptn* but that bulk is for the whole semester. not enough.

i think IIUM Confession really functions they way it supposed to ( being informative and raise awareness on issues that deserve attention like this ) .Before this, it was condemned to be the place where students confess about their crush and whatnot... errkkkkhhh .finally things fallen onto its places.

i am proud to be part of this community. When the NASI LEMAK PROJECT was informed to be initiated by IIUM student, and she received an award in USA because of it, it hits me, helping people doesn't need to be in form of money, or big checks, we can start even by a simple dish to satisfy hunger of a needy person. it is not hard to do kindness.

islam teaches us that too.. littlest thing like a smile is an act of charity ( it makes others feel good seeing it) and we'll be   rewarded in the Hereafter.

 The Prophet also said: "Every act of goodness is charity." - Sahih Muslim, Hadith 496

The Prophet also said: "Give charity without delay, for it stands in the way of calamity." - Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 589

the hand that gives is more honorable than the hand who receive.kan3 ? do good deeds and good things will come back to you.

good job IIUM people! 

Bad Habit!!

long time no write.

hello blog xx!

i like stuff that makes a girl pretty. 

i like skincare better than makeup coz the effect is more satisfying. makeup makes you pretty in instant but skincare, if it works wonders on your skin, u can go out barefaced !! (sth that i always do tho ma face is not at all flawless!). lazy people like me love to go on the quest of finding our holy grail skincare than our holy grail makeup! yep..pemalas tp nak cantik laaa hahahah

 and to find the right one for me, i have spent "generous" amount of money on those products.

some works, some are mediocre, some are malay products that i tried to believe that it was effective but eventually dissapoint me haha...

we've all gone through all this kan? girls know what im talking about. to find your "holy grail" moisturizer, shampoo, night serum, cream is such a huge life decision! 

i don't mind spending hours and hours reading products reviews, make research on tiny bits like googling for each of the product ingredients if i have to, or compare it with other products, coz i need a product that really works!

but i have this one bad, bad habit!

i hope i dont pass it down to my future daughter(s) hahaha ..no! pls god.. no!

i buy a product that i feel convinced with, that i thought my HOLY GRAIL one, i use it a few times..then i lost interest and start googling for another "holy grail" product.

most of the time, this is what i do, and i hate this habit coz it involves high end products. i haven't finished a bottle of cream lets say...then i think it doesn't work on my skin ( just because it takes more  time  than my mental " calender" sets it to work ) and i leave it un-used in the drawer for sometime, until i forgot i have it, and shop for another new cream!  *which i actually dont need, but feel like i do* susahnye jadi perempuan tau tak!! they take up space in my locker..so i put them in a bag then i shove them in the drawer below my bed.

this goes on and on on other things like makeup primers, setting spray, shampoo, lipstick, *i have a few and they look like no one uses them lol* , creams, scrubs *god i have a lot!* cleanser ,i bought 2  during sales  * i haven't finished one  and lose interest, one is not opened until today, i bought them in 2013 and forgot *

i have so many un-used skincare n makeup, part used, and left them to drain themselves?! terrible me..future husband, please dont read my blog lol

what i do to get rid of these things is, at the end of each semester, mak cik cleaners at our hostels like to take things we no longer need, sometimes they sell it, or sometimes they take it home...i usually put things that ARE STILL USABLE, in a big tote (MOSTLY MY SKINCARE), and put a paper on the bag,  write "FREE" , and stick it on the bag, put it at the counter beside the staircase.....

the next time i pass by, those products are gone.. i hope anyone who needs it take it, and use so i dont have to feel guilty for the rest of my life for having such a terrible habit!

last semester, i put tudungs and skincare... when you write the magic word FREE, you make some people happy, it kinda compensates the "sin" of throwing your so called "babies" away...

i heard some makcik cleaners  sound in a  really happy ,grateful tone at the counter beside the staircase where i put my bag of tudung..i was glad and when i walked by the counter, my tudung in the bag was all gone. hehe.. nice .. take them and wear them. i get the pahala :)

having this "cheating" habit costs me...

coz when i find the product that i really need, i run out of money... i need to wait for quite some time to buy it.. that is such an agony!

it's like the cost you have to pay when you cheat during a relationship. when you cheat, you pay!

i cheat one cream over another, my skin isn't better... then i crave for a new cream... stupid!

so stop cheating girls! makeup your mind.

and when you try on a product that you are convinced that it could be your holy grail, give it time to prove itself to you that it works! usually 3 months to see whether or not a product is your real HOLY GRAIL one...

i am bent down by money shortage... i learnt that i have to finish a product to try out another.

i learnt that patient is rewarding *it is true !! hahaha* 

im the kind of person who is okay to mix brands for skincare, as long as i s found one holy grail, for each routine.. like for cream, i like bobbi brown, thats my holy grail *it is magic in a jar* ,for serum i like advanced night repair estee lauder *fountain of youth in a jar* ..i do mix brands, but i will stick to them..im so in love with them!!

but 

to find your holy grail items are not easy...you have to literally go on a "quest" just to find ONE...one!   imagine 4! or 5 ( cleanser,toner,treatment,serum,moisturizer/cream)....

i hope my future husband wont have to repeat the cliched line " like mother like daughter" to me when we have one with this bad, bad habit in the future lol 

..nauzubillah hahaha...i just hope as a girl,my future daughter knows how to appreciate god's gift of beauty, and does what she has to do as a girl.. hope she wont have my bad habit, instead will be wiser than me in terms of shopping!!  

girls need that kind of smart.they really do!..street smart,book smart,i call this  "aphroditeous" smart! 

k that word is not even a word..but you know what i mean! haha

2014

it is 7 months past 2014 lol ... long time no blog..

i feel a little bit deserted this year. i dono if deserted is the right word. i think it is 'unfortunate' .yeah. lets use that.

actually, im invited to  weddings of a few good friends, and sadly, i think i cannot attend those.

it sort of breaks my heart because these people, are the ones that i went to school with, or lived with (dormmate), and it is not like i live abroad that i cannot come, it is just that i am currently doing short semester ( for Arabic language) and the dates clashes with my short sem schedule!!! it is either near my final exam date or later than my hari raya break!! so sad right!

and know what? when i didnt feel like doing short semesters for the last 3 years, no one gets married!! now that im doing short semester, everybody gets married! haaaaaa ! :'(

they are 4 pairs - and they all pick either in middle of this month, august, and september!! short sem starts 23rd june till august. then we have like 2 weeks break. in September a new long semester starts!

Couple #1 is my dormate when i was in Nilai IIUM CFS. of course i want to go!! but it is held in Kelantan. how am i suppose to go to Kelantan when the date is approaching final exam :(

couple #2  is my schoolmate. i was really really happy when she told us the news in June. i was literally happy as if im the one who's getting married hahahha . over kan?  :P yeah i know.  she's the nicest, she was like a big sister to me. during my secondary school years, i faced the truth about my bff *now i hate that bitch-in my world she's dead* which was really hard to digest, i cried...she was the one who was there for me. listened to me and lifted me up when i was down. i befriended her till today. i remember the first time she talked to me during our orientation week. we were 13, now 23 ..and one of us is getting married.. hmm and i cannot come....

this is so unfair! my schoolmates are going to be there.. it will be like a reunion. When a few of us left for boarding school after PMR or some after SPM, we never get to  meet again , now is the chance, and i, unfortunately cant seize this oppotunity. hate this short sem thingy!! shittttttttttttttttttttt

couple #3 - secondary school sweethearts ( they met when she was 14 and he was 16 and everyone including the teachers were against it bhahahhaha  *hey now they ARE getting married ..so lucky. we thought it wasnt gonna work .

couple #4 the guy was my-sort of maths tutor when i was really bodoh in form 3 maths lol . he taught me, and till today i appreciate his help. i got A ok for the pre-PMR mathematics exam. usually i got B. hahah stupid right ekekeke . he's marrying someone from Brunei. wow! i personally like Brunei people. i think they are better choice than malaysians. Their Islamic Jurisprudence is way better implemented ,and practised than we do in Malaysia. im just being honest yah? and   it's like interracial marriage but not really hahaha.. and the Brunei people are richer than us. so financially, no worry much.

 im gonna miss their wedding because of this petty reason.

i feel like they all are conspiring to get married during my short sem ! they dont want me to come LOL * yeah i sound so self centered, their save- the- date has nothing to do with my life laa. haha

im not that fascinated to go to weddings. i like free delicious food, but to stay long in a wedding reception that is held outdoor is not my cup of tea. i like indoor receptions .. so cozy .ada air cond hahahah

maybe it is not a big deal to some people, but i think it is important to celebrate and be there for those you are close with, and people get married ONCE in a lifetime ( in shaa allah) and as an invited friend, i would like to be present on your wedding day!!! why did u guys pick these dates instead of other dates!!!!! 

so deppressing ok. other friends who doesnt enroll in short sem can attend these weddings! 

orang kata amik berkat datang wedding orang haha..lepas ni maybe turn kau. tp i cant even attend their wedding so xyah nak berkat sangat la kan! hahaha kesian aku.

barakallah everybody. I AM SAD these dates clash with everything.  May Allah bless your marriage, may your love always flourish till Jannah .Ameen. Congratulations to all my friends!

my fourth semester ....

ive finished my final paper for this semester on the 4th january !! ( 28 dec,30 dec,31 dec,3 jan ) so happy!

alhamdulillah.

actually, this is the first semester that my papers end really early!

ive been studying here for 4 semester now, for 3 semesters i could just watch the joy of others packing and leaving early ... i had 2 semesters which my last papers were on the last day of exam week! the other semester was just 3 days early from the last day...

so, this semester, i know what it feels like to finish early haha! :)

it was really exhausting. Plus, i cant drink coffee.i drank it one  morning,because i wanted to get rid  of the sleepiness prior to waking up so early that morning to study. what happened was, until the next morning, i felt TIRED!!! and i could sleep! shits haha

and i think i really didnt get much time to study because the papers were only like 2 or one day apart ... but im kinder to myself this semester .

i dont think there's any use of dean's list anymore. 

my CGPA is 3.6 every semester since last semester of foundation till my previous 3rd semester. alhamdulillah. i did it all by Allah's  help. 

i did apply for scholarship on the 1st semester, but didnt get any. and im stuck with PTPTN. this is what you get in this country hahah *roll eyes*

and im a third year student next semester. i dont think they would sponsor a 3rd  year student right?

so if im still in the dean's list. it's a present for my parents like always . i do it only for them. i think thats the only thing i could do to make umi and abah happy since im not yet working, and have any money to give them hahhaha ... good cgpa will do for now :p


i want to be kinder to my self ..more relax for this sem and next sem.. the last 3 semesters were intense. i was practically "planting" the base of my academic performance. only if i think i have done that, i wont be THAT intense about study anymore...and i think i have ... so next sem would be a laid-back semester.. ekeke..

when you are in your  1st year, rumours i heard before i enroll my bachelor, you can only retain good results in 1st and 2nd year then 3rd and 4th is like, if you're lucky and you study like crazy, only you could.. yeah im not that hardworking. i get stressed hahah..

im just sharing. im excited this semester because i get to know how it feels like to finish exams early. but i dont leave for home on the 4th . i will leave on the 12th because i want to feel the freedom being in campus without having the obligatory to do ANYTHING!  feels heavenly!

i have 8 days of doing-nothing days after my last paper! most people would leave for home in no time but i want to feel how it feels like living here with no assignment to submit, no class every morning ..

just 8 days of sleep compensations, going out, movie marathon and watch everyone else  suffer from final exam still HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! *evil laugh*

i dont want to go back kuantan yet. in KL it's easier to move about, but when im in Kuantan, i feel caged a bit. they only good thing is to see my family :)

so im taking this 8 days of freedom to enjoy this good feeling :p i love malls !

i have 3 weeks holiday ahead of me after 12th january. till then im just gonna stay here and being a lazy bum! lol



to those who are burning the midnight's oil for final exam, be presevere, you know hard work will pay off :)


1- Ask Allah for help everytime in your prayers .
2- read early not last minute like me hahaha
3- mind map and write things u read is REALLY HELPFUL *works for me*
4- when you're dealing with many topics, read the chapter summary first before you read the whole chapter so you get the gist of each chapter.
5- re-read the notes or mind map early in the morning when your brain is fresh
6- for those who cant have caffeine like me, try mineral water and washing your face regularly. *agony right haha*
7- practice  read n' redha priciple  :)

if you had given your best, there's nothing to regret.whatever result you get after that, you know what is meant to be, will be. so accept things you can't change.exam hall is like a battle field.so when you enter, do literally EVERYTHING that could win you the "BATTLE" yeah?!

Allah will give us what we expect so be OPTIMIST and make dua.

keep me in your dua :) id love to be in the dean's list again if i may

after 12 years of the worst one ...

Kuantan , Pahang December 2013 ,3 december onwards ..

flood. involving my home!! news reported Kuantan is 50% SANK. and my home area become headlines. thats bad! it's historic for our family, and of course it's the worst in Kuantan history. Malls sank etc... everybody suffered.

i got update from my dad that our house sank. only rooftop could be seen. all our belongings at home sank including 2 cars, 2 motor bikes ..everything

my parents and bro at shelter now. no electricity . cant recharge their phone to keep me and my younger bro updated.

Alhamdulillah, they are all well. im worried abt my mom ..i know my dad and bro are strong enough to handle this. my mom cant move well because of gout . im so worried abt her emotions and all .

they got out bringing clothes only.2 am. it's sad coz i heard there's not enough food. my dad told me there's no electricity, only candles ...

it is seriously worse than the worst one 12 years ago... Flood at Kuantan in 2001... masa tu paras tingkap je but this time, hanya atap rumah je yg nampak...

my dad told me  they didnt get to save anything because they thought the flood will go down in 1-2 days..but it gets worsen. they didnt expect it to be this worse. and i read headlines . the rain that contributed to this : 15 days rain in 1 day . i dono how to put it in better words but in a day , the rain falls non stop equal to 15 days rain, for one day. sorry my description sux hehe

Ya Allah, not that we dont appreciate the rain as rizq, but please, ease what we have to go through ...im in campus and im worried abt my family in Kuantan.

id like to keep myself updated but there's no electricity.

i hope those who could help can send help immidietly .. u dont have to go around Asean to offer help. help your own people first!

dont ruin it DJs ...FOR CRYING OUT LOUD IT'S A WEDDING!!

have u been to wedding receptions with Dj playing the "wrong song " for wedding? seriously. it bothers me A LOT ! 

in weddings, u might expect, not might, u would expect romantic ,slow ballad ,beautiful love songs to be played celebration ur union to ur loved one right? 

what if the Dj u hire plays the off songs, not accordance to the wedding. to me, although this seems like a  small matter, if it were my wedding, it sets my mood off .... 

if it were my weeding, id seriously be upset! 

i have been to wedding reception whose dj played Crazy Frog song.. dude, it's a wedding , not a teen wild party ..... seriously u gotta do better job if u want to keep it.

it's annoying. i was eating,and like "  what the heck ...." 

i think that's not the worst . ive been to a wedding reception, the Dj announced soccer result . 

can u believe it ? soccer result !!! 

also , wedding whose dj played nasyid songs . there's nothing wrong with nasyid songs ( good remembrance) but pick those which are align with the occasion! where ive been to, it was nasyid about remembrance of death ... it's good .really good but , it's a wedding .....

it'd be better if the songs are celebrating the love of the newlyweds , praying for their happiness and god blessings for here, and Hereafter. 

like this one from maher zain .

                                                             "Masha Allah"

Agmal farha hiyya
Youm farahko, da shee’ akeed
Zekrayatel leila deyyah
Hadra mesh momkin tegheeb

The most beautiful joy is
On your wedding day - that's for sure
This night's memories
Will always be present and can never fade away

Ehsasel youm dah
Meen fikom yensah
‘Ala toul tegma’ko ahla hayah

The way you feel on this day
How can any of you ever forget it?!
The most beautiful life shall unite you forever

Agmal farha fel hayat kol leila
Helween wallah… Allah Allah
Masha Allah… Masha Allah
Ya salam ya salam, ma tbarko yahl Allah 

Tonight is the biggest happiness in your life
By Allah, you're both beautiful! Allah Allah
Allah has willed it… Allah has willed it
What a joy, what a joy!
Let's congratulate them, everyone!

Ento ‘ala sounnet Nabina
Geeto we katabtol kitab
Wehna tayral farha bina
Welleiladil alb daab

In accordance with our Prophet's teachings
You did the marriage contract ('Aqd-Nikah)
And we're overjoyed for the two of you
And our hearts are melting with happiness on this night

Ehsasel youm dah
Meen fikom yensah
‘Ala toul tegma’ko ahla hayah

The way you feel on this day
How can any of you ever forget it?!
The most beautiful life shall unite you forever

Agmal farha fhayatkol leila
Helween wallah… Allah Allah
Masha Allah… Masha Allah
Ya salam ya salam, ma tbarko yahl Allah 

Tonight is the biggest happiness in your life
By Allah, you're both beautiful! Allah Allah
Allah has willed it… Allah has willed it
What a joy, what a joy!
Let's congratulate them, everyone!

Oulou masha Allah
We ya Rabb te’ishou ahla sneen
Oulou masha Allah
We ya mahla zougeen salheen
Rabbena yegma’ko wayya ba’d fel Gannah
Rabbena yeg’alko toulel ‘omr metfahmeen 

Say: "Allah has willed it"
And may you live the happiest of years
Say: "Allah has willed it"
And how beautiful it is to see such a pious couple!
May Allah unite you together in Paradise
And may He make you live your whole life together in harmony

Agmal farha fhayatkol leila
Helween wallah… Allah Allah
Masha Allah… Masha Allah
Ya salam ya salam, ma tbarko yahl Allah

Tonight is the biggest happiness in your life
By Allah, you're both beautiful! Allah Allah
Allah has willed it… Allah has willed it
What a joy, what a joy!
Let's congratulate them, everyone!

or this one that congratulates them on their day :) 

Barakallah

We're here on this Special Day

Our hearts are full Of pleasure

A day that brings the two of you

Close Together

We're gathered here to celebrate

A moment you'll always treasure

We ask Allah to make your love

Last forever

Let's raise our hands and make du'a

Like the prophet taught us

And with one voice let's all

Say...say...say

Barakallahu lakuma wa baraka

Alaikumaa wa jama'a bainakuma fii khaiiir

From now you'll share all your joys

Through hardships,support each other

Together worshiping Allah

Seeking His Pleasure

We pray that He will feed your life

With Happiness and Blessings

And grant your Kids

who make your home filled with laughter

Let's raise our hands and make du'a

Like the prophet taught us

And with one voice let's all

Say...say...say

Barakallahu lakuma wa baraka

Alaikumaa wa jaama'a bainakuma fii khaiiir

Barakallah

Barakallahu lakuumwalanaa

Allah bariklawhuma

Allah Hadhum hubbahuma

Allah Solli wasallim a'la rasulillah

Allah tub'alaina

Allah irdha anna

Allah ihdhi khuthoona a'la sunnat nabiina

Let's raise our hands and make du'a

Like the prophet taught us

And with one voice let's all

Say...say...say

Barakallahu lakuma wa baraka

Alaikumaa wa jaama'a bainakuma fii khaiiir

see? even dua that Rasulullah practiced ...nice eh?

and girls would love to be serenaded by this, on their wedding day .. 

                                                          For The Rest Of My Life

I praise Allah for sending me you my love

You found me home and sail with me

And I`m here with you

Now let me let you know

You`ve opened my heart

I was always thinking that love was wrong

But everything was changed when you came along

OOOOO

And theres a couple words I want to say

For the rest of my life

I`ll be with you

I`ll stay by your side honest and true

Till the end of my time

I`ll be loving you.loving you

For the rest of my life

Through days and night

I`ll thank Allah for opening my eyes

Now and forever I...I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart

I feel so blessed when I think of you

And I ask Allah to bless all we do

You`re my wife and my friend and my strength

And I pray we`re together in Jannah

Now I find myself i feel so strong

yes, everything was changed when you came along

OOOO

And there's a couple word I want to say

 For the rest of my life

I`ll be with you

I`ll stay by your side honest and true

Till the end of my time

I`ll be loving you.loving you

For the rest of my life

Through days and night

I`ll thank Allah for opening my eyes

Now and forever I...I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart

and now that you`re here

In front of me

 I strongly feel love

And I have no doubt

And I`m singing loud 

that I`ll love you eternally

For the rest of my life

I`ll be with you

I`ll stay by your side honest and true

Till the end of my time

I`ll be loving you...loving you..

For the rest of my life

Through days and nights

I`ll thank Allah 

for opening my eyes

Now and forever I..

.I`ll be there for you

I know it deep in my heart...

i melt every time ...aww... 

there are many more. the point is DJs ...

please please, this isn't about you , if u wanna announce soccer result , do it in appropriate occasion. a wedding is a wedding .... it's love, celebration of two hearts, romantic, slow ,beautiful songs! dont stain it with anything else beside these ya..

i dont like surprises

especially on birthday.. because it wont be surprising. i even hide my bday on FB..  coz only people who really care remembers .. and by doing that, i know who they are. thank u. alhamdulillah for this gift Allah :)

it's ur bday.u'll know it right? people acting all weird , avoided u, keeping secrets .. lol

i dono how to react really.. usually, i just play along because they are nice people, good ones who remember and celebrate my birth anniversary

but im truly grateful for that. i want to reciprocate what they do . thank you.

but personally, i do like presents n cake, and everyone gather for me, but i hate surprises.. 

i prefer , on my birthday, people ask me to a restaurant or anything filled the table with cake and food n we ALL eat together and celebrate.  that's more like it.

no need to hide stuff and exclude me to do the preparation and all. and i do feel like im lying every time i have to react . i m happy but like i said i already know .. 

so yeah, i prefer " happy birthday!! lets go out and celebrate :) !"