Reminder for myself,also reminder for anybody who r in THIS kind of circumstances...

i got this from a friend of mine.. good analogy indeed.

We may have planned our life beautifully, but Allah determines it all.Things may not happen as we planned them, but watever  happens, it is for the best.

Also, IT may not seem like it's THE BEST THING, in ALLAH's knowledge, IT IS!

Bcoz ALLAH knows everything we know not.. right?...............

we always think like WE KNOW what we want/ what we need, but the truth is whatever we want, or whoever we want may not be suitable for us to have, thats y we have Allah to decide whats best..getting too engrossed of what we're havin or planning, Allah "wakes us up" by giving us obstacles... one way of saying "hey this isnt good for u, im gonna give u sth/someone better,wake up". the way we "wake up" may be different. it cud be with tears, joy, also fear.. any kind.the obstacles maybe something real good, it cud be not so good..



Fate, destiny isnt what we control, we only can make effort, and lastly tawakkal. After that, it's up to ALLAH to decide.


Here's the story...

Once upon a time, a well-known painter was working on a painting. It's an incredibly beautiful painting to be shown at the Airport during the upcoming festival season. The painter wanted this painting to be a master piece.

He worked on it for weeks on the top of a 24 storey building. He was consumed by and excited with his own painting that he unconsciously took a few step backward while admiring the 2 x 8 m painting. He didn't look back when he walked backward. He kept on walking backward until it was a step away from the edge of the 24 storey building. Just one more step backward and he could have fallen to his death.

A man saw what the painter was doing and was about to shout at him to warn him when he realized that his shout might surprise the painter and thus make him take that fatal one step backward and fall down. So the man took a brush and some paint and began to paint on the beautiful painting until it was damaged.

Upon realizing what happened to his painting, the painter got very angry and moved forward to hit the man. However, some other people who were also present at the vicinity held him and showed him his last position which almost made him fall.

MORAL: Sometimes we have planned our future with such beauty and dreamed of beautiful days we will spend with our loved one, but then ALLAH seems ( WAT WE SEE AS DESTROYING, actually, it isn’t) to destroy our beautiful painting when HE sees what danger lies ahead of us. Sometimes we are angry and annoyed by what ALLAH has done to us,(which is true) but one thing we have to keep in our mind is that our Creator is Most Wise and always keeps our best of interest in mind!

So when ALLAH in His Infinite Wisdom, tests us with a situation that we think is difficult or takes away something that in our mind was good for us, we need to remember that perhaps it may not be so. Perhaps if we had continued in our way, it might have been harmful for us and whatever ALLAH decreed for us is actually better for us, for He is All-Wise and All-Knowing.

reminder for me

Allah understands when nobody does..."talk" to Allah ..

"When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way."( Al- Baqarah : 186)

Lessons learnt.

# 1   When Allah gives a test towards me, and it hurts,it doesnt mean Allah is mad at me, it means HE pays attention to me and miss my voice to plead dua to HIM. It MEANS, HE LOVES ME SO MUCH that HE doesnt want my heart to be taken care of a man, Allah wants my heart to be always closer to him. To make me realise, other human can hurt, but Allah is always there to heal, and listen and reward sth/someone even better, n most important, will never ever hurt.

# 2    Internet communication/relation doesnt end in happy endings. (those who do meet their happily ever after online, u guys are chosen ones. not all are lucky) . to me, the best that cud happen on internet social network is  ( particularly yahoo coz fb is more reliable - i guess??) u become best friends with other person, and nothing more.

# 3    Men can be sweet, very friendly, and caring, but mean nothing more than just a friend online (smart, cunning ones). if u think more, its your fault. bare in mind that u both are 2 different persons who are total strangers, spending time online and both need someone decent to talk to. U two found one another, and get along very well bcoz both of u have the same needs! ( u both are bored and having sth very much in common! thats all, nothing more!) . if ur heart feels sth, its comfort n pleasant, not LOVE! get it? one person falls , another wants just a good chat friend. see where the tears go? see whos with  the broken heart, n who feels nothin??? hmm..no matter how nice u are, or how much u both have things in common, if one have set the relation to be only friendship the other cant do anything about it. clear?

 # 4   Googling is good, facebooking, tweeting,onlining is good, having a social network (controlled one) is also good, but dont forget the real world ppl lol ... bcoz when ur having a melt down with the "virtual ppl" u'll still have ur real friends around u, go out, get some fresh air lol. chill!

# 5       Be thankful of what we have now,bcoz if we count / pay attention to what we dont have we'll never have enough and always feel unlucky. Alhamdulillah, Allah made me "found" this kinda ppl, so that i learnt from them, they've shown to me what type of person i DONT WANT TO BE. to be very careful on trusting ppl, although he may be educated,respected,religious even, everybody has a little devil in them. we all do rite? 

# 6      the truth might hurt, but its the reality, face it! take it as valuable experience/lesson. 10 years from now, i may laugh about it =P 

If Allah is all you've got, then you've got all you need

“Call upon Me; I will respond to you.” [The Quran, 40:60]

 

 

Allah has helped me when i was in my tears. Now, i ask Allah to strengthen my heart with his LOVE. No more tears shed for someone who's not gonna be mine. I feel calmer now.

i 'll tell how Allah has helped me.. When i found out he's engaged, i relly wanted to know, eagerly wanted to know who that woman is. One that gets to spend the rest of her life with him. 

So, at first, none. no clue.

But then, i found new added friends on his wall, 6 of them. He told me her first name back then when i asked. There was one girl, with that name (not sure whats the last name) ,in the new added friends list,So i guess that was my first clue. that was the woman! aha!

I googled that name, i got her university! (^_^)

when i googled the University, guess what? Yes! that is the woman! He told me what she's studying....the department, the course... All matched!

Then, of corz i wanted to see how she looks like right? ya what else, i googled the image. And voila! 2 pics of her .... I saw her since april, but i waited until december to make sure! 

Bcoz, they are a bit "shy" to communicate on walls i guess. Nothing much going on. i cant do the "spying" job that well back then. 

Then, in december was his birthday, yep, she wrote on the wall with "i luv u" signiture. I mean none has wrote THAT word freely on his wall. That was the 1st time i saw someone did.    

And thank god, she changes the profile pic from time to time, FINALLY!  I SAW HOW SHE LOOKS LIKE! ( of corz i had to wait for some time).. Sometimes Allah whispers to me to check it LOL... thats how it happened.

Do u know how amazing i feel when i found out that the anonymous girl i been googling all this while is relly her?! i mean i thought, u know, it could be anyone with that name, there are billions of people in this planet! hello... gazillion! and i found that one person, exactly the person im lookin for just by googling?!

What dissapointed me is, i dono why he lied about she wearing the hijab, she doesnt. 

when she put up her profile pic, or the ones that ive googled online, none of them is with Hijab. =( ..Everybody can see her hair ( for MUSLIMS readers, they'll understand)... He answered "ya" when i asked him about she wearing Hijab. 

Was there that i realised, that maybe he was putting a "mask" when i was falling for him. That "mask" is the mask of my dream guy. That was how i fell for him. He is such a knowledgable person, knows whats halal n haram, but when i saw his fiancee, what he taught n said to me, i guess that was ALL "SCRIPTED"! 

Covering the aurah in Islam is obligatory, and he knows that very very well... when i look at all the truth that has been revealed to me by ALLAH, he's not worth my tears. He' s not the "dream guy" i thought ive found. He has the knowledge,yea he's a brilliant guy.. but he doesnt relly practise it i guess. He'll be her husband soon, he's smart, i think he knows what to say n do.

So, from what ive experienced, moral of the story, (^_^) 

With Allah's help, everything revealed itself one after another.. One way of Allah "wiping"  my tears..like HE's saying to me, "ok dont cry, i'll show u who she is "  =) (sth like that)

I dont need the CIA! LOL i just need Mr. Google and Allah's help of course. IF i google that name now, the 2 pics i saw earlier this year,  are not there anymore. See the miracle??? 

Allah will help u when ur in need, sad, when u think everybody is against u ,betrayed, and u got no one, u feel alone, Allah is always there,  watching u, guiding ur way...taking care of u..all u have to do is ASK. 

Make dua. Allah is listening 24/7 ... 

REMEMBER ;  The heavier the burden placed on you by Allah the more strength HE will give you to carry them... Alhamdulilah 

And i hope, those with broken hearts lol i guess i cud say that,here's a piece of advice ;   "The Only One guaranteed not to break your heart   is the One who made it." 

Allah is our first true ♥....so when u lose ur way, to ALLAH u shud turn, as HE promised, HE'll always be there. You can always cry, and ask for help, for HE is the loving and most merciful.  

 

I LET GO, it's time.

Though i learnt the hardest way, i learnt a lesson. a valuable one.

"Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Al-Baqarah 2:286)

 Look at this lyrics...

it motivates me :

Look around, it's dead at night
You've been losing every fight
You're hope is, feeling broken
You're feet are rough, they're scraped and bruised
But still have strength to take you through,
Into,
The dark

At the beach, the waves will crash
Tuck and grab and pull you back
The sun may, be covered in gray
The sand will itch, itself may burn
Hurricane will take it's turn
Until,
The dawn


So close your eyes, shut them tight
Let it be, and it will fade away 

Push on though the strength in you
Let it be, and wish it all away 

With open eyes,
Open wide,
It's all good now, watch it fade away,
Day by day

Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a shadow in sight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes

 

I been avoiding him since then, last time i talked to that person was in June, before i started my 2nd semester (my last).. it was a hard decision. But when i looked back, a few months before, i was stupid, or even crazy to cry for  months for someone that'll never be mine. i have to understand what's not mine won't be mine no matter how i cry, be sad, or beg for it to change.. MIXED feeling preceded this..i was angry,annoyed, mostly, sad. 

I felt like my sanity comes n goes back then. february to May i kept crying. tried pretending that im strong, i was ok. THE TRUTH is, Allah knows. 

He was having the time of his life, and since we met online, it means nothing at all to him, he got almost a perfect fiancee, he's contented. it's like they both, just the 2- of -them -against -the- world feeling. There's no need to care bout anyone else. That's what happen when ppl are in love i think. Love is a force. It's unstoppable at its best. So, who was I compared to her. NOTHING. that's right.

He couldnt even put himself in my shoes. critisized me even. Changed from caring to cold. Wow! 

In June, l made it clear to myself, i will start to let go. for 4 months i kept it together, but i missed my friend in October. i cried mutely in Ramadhan when i received a messege from that person. That was when we met. Ramadhan.

On Eid, i was the person he greets on first Eid, but then on 3rd...no need to care right. pathetic me. His fiancee is more important that time HEY,WAKE UP!

I did miss the friendship so much , i couldnt talk to him as always, it always hurts me to pretend. and i resent what had happened.

what i do now is, open my eyes, widely, He'll be married next year. will be someone's husband. I cant want someone else's anything can i? They love each other after the taaruf, which as a "normal" friend, i should be happy about. (which is the hardest thing to do).

So, whats done is done. Tho it was hard, i gradually pull myself together. I'm holding on to this, WHEN ALLAH TAKES SOMETHING/SOMEONE  YOU LOVE, DOESNT MEAN ALLAH HATES YOU, INSTEAD, HE WILL GRANT SOMETHING/SOMEONE MUCH MUCH BETTER THAN U THINK U WANT..

Indeed, Allah is our creator, Allah knows what we need, HE knows us best! Make a lot of dua, and ikhtiar, InsyaAllah the turn out will be the best as it can be.

LET GO,your hands are full lol

IF YOU DONT LET GO OF THE BAD YOU ARE HOLDING ON TO, 

HOW WILL  ALLAH GIVE YOU ONE THE GOOD THAT YOU'RE MEANT TO HAVE ? =)

and this lyrics says it all...

You can't turn back the hands of time 

Just let it go and you'll be fine  

What's done is done and its alright  

You cant turn back the hands of time

I know i said i want to move on, and motivated myself so many times but i just...

i remember the first time i met him on here, it was Aug 16th last year. It was in Ramadhan. It was when i listened and explored all Maher Zain's songs and played them over and over on this mp3.. 

It was in Islam room. He was "educating" some infidel. I told him not to coz he was just wasting his time. He said to me we ought to spread the word of god, whenever and however we can.i was impressed by his knowledge. 3 lines are enough to make him explain complex things! Then he pmed me. I didnt like it at first. (i was like, la why pm me..nosy la). then i asked a question that made the convo went on and on.it happened to both of us that, when we started to chat with each other, we stopped talking to others..i still remember he thought i was a convert but no im born muslim lol.. 

he said my id is an european name."dont u think aurelia is a bit misleading?" i told him my name. " no that's my display name. my name is..."we have the same 3 letters in our name. Then we talked and opened up. like old friends. but that was the first time. We talk before he had his iftaar then after iftaar. 

Then we talked every night till he had to be on call one time. He once onlining when he was on call at the hospital also (he's a doc).We talked for a while before he got called. I miss those days. He taught me new things. He changed me last Ramadhan, but he didnt know... He taught me to do the nite salat..he taught me, even i have difficulties in reading the Quran, but if i tried hard, the reward is priceless.i havent finished Quran yet (ya embarassing. but he motivated me).from that night on, everyday i tried to read one page on Quran. He had such difficulty too when he was younger, when he was 16. Then he learnt. I celebrated wonderful Eid last year coz i get to know a wonderful friend. i cant explain the feeling. i felt brand new, i have this friend, i felt so so contented. i never had this feeling before. i know it sounds ridiculous to say you fell for someone u met online. But i had something. i felt something. He motivated me. I never did night salat before he taught me. After that, i wanted to do it almost every night. He was able to make me listen to him, it's amazing coz my father often fails to do that lol.

i like it when he teaches me stuff. Always valuable things. Hadith and Quranic verses. Then we talked abt surah.whats our favourite surah. Who do we listen to. He loves Al-Afasy, he told me. I like Al-Ghamdi. Then i listen to Al-Afasy also...i told him i like surah Al-waqiah and Yusuf.Then we talked about huur..he thought it was very silly of me coz i told him i wish i was a huur... it's true, if i was one, i wont get hurt like now. he told me, if i kept wanting to be huur, im stupid then, coz i dont appreciate Allah's favor upon me.. yeah..but that's a dream..

I was very comfortable talking to him. I talked about my matrix, secrets like girls do. lol...he was such a good listener. He didnt complain he just listened. i knew some things i said were stupid, but he didnt scorn me...not at all..

I dono when i like him..Probably the second time we talked, or from the first time.why we could get along so well , we just knew each other for a few hours.He told me abt his first love, i told mine lol..this is wat girls do, but it was very comfortable. We're friends.

i kept a diary since i met him. i wrote down the date we met, tho at that time, we're totally strangers! i felt so happy i met him..blissfully unaware why i felt so..i didnt know why i was so happy just to CHAT . u know.. weird isnt it

And i know i'll sound pathetic or whatsoever, everytime i see his name came online, i said 'Alhamdulillah' . that happy i was everytime i see him on.. maybe that was when..He's a wonderful person..And i swear, no one ever made me did that not anyone, he's the first person who made my heart blossom everytime i see his name on.. he was really something.And when i was accepted to my uni, my priority changed, couldnt longer be online like i did on holiday, we still wanted to talk, but he was busy(always is), he asked whether i could spend even 30 mins everyday to chat. Sometimes he came home earlier.(when he does the day duty). i tried. Then we talked every saturdays. i loved it.

We've been friends maybe not for long , just 6 months, then i got the news he's engaged. He was so happy when he told me. I was so sad. That was when i knew i "liked him more than i should have liked him". I cried.I was speechless. I didnt know what to think.. i was helpless.

He came on so happy after that messege he sent me. i just kept asking questions one after another.

He wondered why i didnt congratulate him.Why i was so cold and bitter. He was happy i bet he didnt sense any unhappiness in me that time. He thought i was being skeptical. i wasnt. i believed what he said. all of it. i kept asking him coz i was looking for possibilities that it could be a joke.No it wasnt . He's engaged. 

when i knew i loved a good man, he's taken. it was a shock coz we did talk about it. i knew him as a single man, then 6 months later, i watched him changed from a single man to someone's fiance, and i love him.i cant talk too him as always anymore. Things changed. i cant pretend like it doesnt hurt, its painful.

 Many alim people say that when u are to fall in love, pray to fall for someone whose heart is close to Allah so that he can bring u closer to Allah too..i saw that in him. thats how i fell for him. my wish back then was to have him as a husband so he can guide me with all his knowledge and make me a great muslimah. i can listen to this man. i like listening to what he taught, he changed me..i was amazed..i wanted him, to be my hubby. imam of my life, love of my life. i was so so happy

Then i knew i only have ALLAH'S love...only Allah knows how sad i was,and got myself real close to Allah, coz i knew it was a test. big one. this happened to me back in 2007, i wont let it ruin my life again.

 i acted like a fool,( it was wise actually, found out many things after that). i browse facebook. i found a name same as him ( lets call him A). Same name, diff spelling.lets call him B.then i started to think he has double personality, he has 2 facebook accounts, one for friends, one for family. and to add my misery, yeah B  was also recently engaged, a muslim, same country, believe it or not, he's a doctor too..then i found out that, the medical college that A  went to, is affliated to the university B stated in the info. Then more i found out, when anyone from A medical college graduated, the certificate is granted from university B. And more! the medical college A went to has 2 branches, one in the place B stated in his info ( where he's from probably), and one in another place. I started to think they r the same person, just the id with B name was created earlier bla bla bla..when i told him, he got mad, very very mad. He didnt talk to me.

First, when i explained to him abt my behaviour that day he told me about it, he understood . He thought maybe he's just a chat mate, that was why i didnt celebrate the engagement.But then, i didnt wanna talk to him much, he became annoyed coz he thought i should've move on. it's not worth to cry. i dont control all this. it came on it's own and he just couldnt understand me anymore. No more wonderful friend and good listener. There's someone more important to him, im just a friend. dont matter. give it some time, you'll be fine. it takes time. to me, a lot of time.

Now, he thinks im pessimistic,selfish,egoistic,stubborn,stuck-up, and narrow minded.  Im not selfish. I just cant stand the sadness i have to bare when she got the place i want. i dont talk to him not coz egoistic, i dont wanna add up my sadness. 

"stop lingering in the past. u linger in the past for nothing".he said i linger in the past for no reason, im stubborn. the flashbacks came to me, and i kept thinking of the "something " that made me so attached to him. if thats wat make me stubborn then ....Im not pessimistic, i like ppl being happy, but this one make me suffer. i just want u to know i cant congratulate u coz it hurts so bad. When u told me u've fallen in love it cuts me. Coz 'she' isnt me. i know it's online, and i may sound so stupid publishing this post. but i miss the old u my friend... so much.

Things have changed, we cant talk like "before". u cant want us to be like "before". "Before" is gone. Now tell me whos lingering in the past? u or me? 

the past wont come back....

Lingering in my mind, he left his other works just coz he promised he'd come on n chat, he did.He was supposed to play football at seaside with friends, on the weekends, but there was one sunday, he left it, just to chat with me. i miss that. We talk on Saturdays after Ramadhan.After he got his peds rotation for 6 following months, he been busier, but still he could came on as always. And if my broadband being cranky everytime i talked to him, i always piss off. I didnt like anything to go bad when i talk to him. That was a sign. He didnt understand that . He didnt understand why i was so upset if the line wasnt ok. He thought it was normal. It is normal for internet connection to go cranky, but dont when IM TALKING TO HIM. i dont like it. He also didnt realise why i could stay up till late in the morning, just to chat with him. i couldnt stop...i like sharing with him stuff. He's like my best friend. He was!

wat u did recently was so rude. i pissed off real bad. i wonder whether u were the same person i met. i miss the old u. but i know u wont come back. u probably look at me as a different person now. as u said, i drove u crazy the last time we talked. we used to get along with each other so well. What happened now? 

"u keep saying im mean im mean, this makes no sense"

" i never promised u anything, ive never even told u that i loved u. so where's my fault?"

he used to love teaching me stuff, explaining stuff to me, but then, it's " im not wikipedia nor britannica u know"..changed...

Maybe this is one way. thats y it didnt work. im sure "something" was there. im sure u knew it too. but ur too realistic. and yeah, online love is impossible,absurd to u. For u it's gone. Im the one who's still looking for it. and to u i linger in the past. fine, i'll let go.  Since we both know, the past is behind us. I accept.

Whenever i hear MZ songs, i remember nights in Ramadhan i chatted happily with u. thank u for all those. thank u so much for making me so happy for a while, thank u for helping me in my steps to be a better muslim back then. 

ur mean now, u dont even listen when i cry. i know it doesnt matter coz nothing can be done. im not asking u to break it or anything.NO. im not that stupid ,and this is not a movie. 

im asking u to understand, that im sad, i cant talk to u like im ok,im not.Nothing i say or do will change anything i know that, i do. believe me. i need to say goodbye now but it hurts so much. i want to for a while. i wanna be there when ur happy. i wanna be happy for u like ur other good friends.this is goodbye for now,not goodbye forever.

I dont believe in predictions but man, i give this 5 stars ! it's all true except no 12...

Sifat Bulan Lahir untuk bulan Febuari ialah: 

1. Berfikiran abstrak. - i can write my book...
2. Sukakan benda yang realiti dan abstrak. - patot la i can write my book
   
3. Bijak dan pintar - thank you =)
4. Berpewatakan yang mudah berubah. - yea i treat people the way they treat me..
5. Mudah menawan orang lain. - but they'll go away in no time, but most stick with me =)
6. Agak pendiam. - i am shy
7. Pemalu dan rendah diri. - it's true
8. Jujur dan setia pada segalanya. - when i like, i like to the core...
9. Keras hati untuk mencapai matlamat. - im not gonna let go, but if it's not mine, then i'll learn to let go
10. Tidak suka dikongkong.- dont like ppl telling me what to do/tailing me
11. Mudah memberontak apabila dikongkong. - I'll get mad...
12. Suka kegiatan yang lasak. - this is wrong...i do go to the gym, but im not a big fan of the sun~
13. Emosinya mudah terluka dan sangat sensitif. - i am sensitive...so wat..im a girl...
14. Mudah mempamerkan marahnya.- yea i like ppl to know when im angry, so then wont add up my anger
15. Tidak suka benda yang remeh-temeh. - but sometimes it matters most..other times, not really..
16. Suka berkawan tapi kurang mempamerkannya. - ppl say my face is arrogant,n they tend to avoid me =(.. but i LOVE making friends, a lot!
17. Sangat berani dan suka memberontak. - yea i did this back then, sometimes, now..
18. Bercita-cita tinggi, suka berangan-angan dan ada harapan untuk merealisasikan impiannya.- so true
19. Pemerhatian yang tajam. - i can be a CIA or an FBI if im interested in sth/sb
20. Suka hiburan dan sukan. - entertainment yes, but not really sports...
21. Suka benda yang bersifat seni. - i like seeing beautiful things!
22. Sangat romantik pada dalaman tetapi tidak pada luaran. - Allah knows...
23. Berkecenderungan pada benda yang tahyul. - ya thats y my favourite series is CHARMED thank u. and im afraid of the dark...
24. Amat mudah dan boleh menjadi terlalu boros. - ask my parents and roomates..i need a finacial consultant! i cant handle too much money! it's dangerous!
25. Belajar untuk mempamerkan emosi. - when im unhappy it'll be obvious...i dont like hiding my sadness. it's torturing

then i found this when i was " cleaning up" my hard disk

FOR : My beloved sisters, there's a note.

Houri, Subhanallah......

ALLAH berfirman : “ Sesungguhnya , KAMI mencipta wanita-wanita syurga dengan penciptaan yang baru . KAMI jadikan mereka dalam keadaan dara , yang amat mengasihi suaminya dan yang sebaya dengannya “ 

(Hr Tirmizi dan Al-Baihaqi dengan sanad yang hasan )

No words for this. 


How i wish i was them. At one point, i wont get hurt, not sinned and pure... i am being  grateful for what i am.. This is an "ambition "...