Biology & me

Buku ni buku rasmi Budak sains hayat kat Matrix aku.

I bought the 8th edition, just like the pic.

It's like and old boyfriend of mine..

Wanna hear somethin?

I tell u what...

Long ago, when i was a child, i wanted to be a doctor. My dad works at the hospital. ( no, he's not a doctor). And sometimes, he brought me to work. I dont remember for what reason, but i think bcoz i hated the nursery / preschool that he put me at that time.I didnt like my mom going to work every morning. What i did? I screamed and cried. She couldnt go to work. And if they left me at the nursery, they would turn the car back, coz i was inconsolable if i started to cry that time. This was at the earlier phase when my parents brought me living back with them. I threw tantrums all the time.I could melt ur ears by crying 2 to 3 hours? No joke.. U wouldnt wanna be my babysitter lol..If i didnt like somethin, i got mad, I annoy all people by crying. I couldnt make any babysitter cope for more than a week with me except for my late granny.

So, as my dad frequently brought me to the hospital.I developed a liking. I like the smell of the medicine, wards, ( huh?) i like to see doctors, and believe it or not, i like hospital! I mean it wasnt my favourite place to go, but everytime i go to the hospital , it invokes the feeling that id like to be there one day. Yeah. i wanted to be a doctor. That was my ambition.I like everything about being a doctor, hospitals, syringe, the smell of chemicals when u walk in a hospital. I liked it a lot. My uncle, my mom bought me the doc toy set. I broke em, they'd buy me a new one.When i was 13, my mom was admitted. And i had to study for my sciece paper. I brought my SC book, and did my study in her ward. It felt so good, so real! Studying sc in a ward ( topic senses, body systems) It worked! indeed. It flows into my head like runny water from the tap..i felt like a doctor lol

And i worked hard during junior high to get to the science stream later in form 4. I made it. Even before i sat for my PMR, i went to the POPULAR bookstore with Hani. I saw the thick Form 4 Biology reference book. I was so into it. Like the feeling of liking your bf..something like that. " Biology, here i come". I said that to a book! . Did i tell u i was a nerd? Yeah i was. The sticking with books and homeworks, messy, naive one, know nothing bout whats goin on around me except for going to school and get a good grade? Yeah, that was me. I was busy studying to be a doctor! Leave me alone! haha. That was then. This is now. Things changed. Changed a lot!


Learning Biology in senior high, those 2 years were heavenly. I was one of target student for Biology. That didnt matter much to me. What i want to point out is, learning/ doing something that u r keen about, feels so good! Doing what u wanna do and be good at it, what else could u ask for? It felt so right! u know the feeling U WERE BORN TO DO IT feeling? Yes that was it. I been wanting to do it all my life and when i get to do it, i do it well. Sweet memory!

This all changed when i was in Matrix. I got into matrix bcoz of my Bio result. Coz if compared to other sc subjects..Nahhh..nope, not qualified. That was all Biology's doing. So, in matrix, it was different. I wasnt that good anymore. Neva got an A. B and B+ costantly. I had a C! thank u very much. It got a lot details, with the mechanism, names, classes ... Yeah, i read, tried to make notes. Matrix was too fast wow! I still like it, but a little less. Not like before.

I found that there was a lot to handle. And i got things out of hands many times. I was stuck with math tutorials that i didnt know how to solve by myself, Bio to read, Chemistry to memorize.. OH my GOD! i hate a fast track studies. Plus, lab reports, assignments, presentations ... Umm since my spm Math & Chemistry basics wasnt THAT strong, i confronted many problems handling those 3 subjects. Was there that i realise, that it was a mistake to get into matrix ( u might wanna think thorougly of getting to matrix when ur math & sc basics are weak) 6As spm basics qualify u to get to the matriculation programme, however,  in my situation, only Biology contributed an A, the math and chem, no...I had tough times bcoz of that. i know when there's a will , there's a way.. i tried to work it out with math, but math doesnt seem to like me...that was one big problem! i did go to the lectures, never skip tutorial classes, i dont know WHY i cant understand MATH LANGUAGE. u know when the lecturer taught, " after u integrate, substitute it into the eq  bla bla bla then u simplify untill the factor of ..then when u know ...u choose the right eq to be differentiated ...to quadrant" and i always like, what? what eq? which one? substitute where? to the power of?  how m i supposed to know when im done? how to diff log? it's too extreme for me. heavy for me to carry. Then i thought to myslef, that's it!. i think everyone's ability is different from one person to another, i couldnt take it anymore. Math is errrghh!!

Math traumatized me.During exams, i put Bio as a priority, but i didnt have a lot of time as i had to give my attention to math too. That was so frustrating. You wanna do a science course,  u gotta take the whole package.. And i cant seem to handle one of the items in the package given! I love bio, but sux in math, i wanna do a bio course, there'll be Math tailing me. i know i know.. i can run  but i cant hide. even an ICT course, Nursing. Nightmare..omg !

The good feeling when i read biology was fading away. Every time i read a bio book before, it felt like having a chocolate cake ready before ur eyes, and it's all for u, u know...feels damn GOOD! I still like it, coz Bio is a very interesting knowledge to explore about, just not as keen as before. when i started getting bad at it, it upsets me. I dont feel good doing it anymore. I know it meant so much to me when i was in form 4, it felt like having ur first born, getting ur first laptop, getting ur first long craving for, car... But now, in my head, when there's Bio,there'll be math. i just, i fall apart....sob sob.. Cant i just learn biology? No, math is its #1 ally.. cant separate them. U got an A for Bio, u fail Math. whats the point? ur considered failed...I wanna say, Math entombed my passion for Bio. literally. It doesnt erase my liking reading the book, just learning the 2 together, makes me sick.. forgive me my words. Math lovers out there, ur doin good.. dont mind me..im just sharing, expressing..well whatever u call it..

Hmmmmmm...the doc that  once a little girl  always dream of becoming, is gone. She wants to be a language expert now. Bcoz she finds it a lot more fun,u can learn it from everywhere, by reading, movies, music etc, she can have a life,( doctors dont watch TV ..LOL) , best of all , no math. I think i can live with that. .It's much  fun and flexible. She doesnt have to have contorted eyebrows thinkin how to solve a hyperbolic functions, she just have to think and write! much better.

Guess what, after her times in matrix, she just revealed herself as an otak kanan person whos into reading better that logic. ( that explains why math dislikes her,and she doesnt like math ).. She's not a SC person.It was BIOLOGY who brought her there.
Unfortunately she realised it a little too late. When she couldnt hold on to it anymore, she knew she had to leave. And she did.She took the risk quiting matrix to do a language course. She knew that it was risky, but she wanted  diff thing now, and she went against all odds to get it.She was offered sc courses, two times by the IIUM, and once by UITM.She rejected the offers and applied for the english courses. She also realised that maybe, she have to stay at home for the next 6 months without any university offer, she accepted it. She wants to do a language course by hook or by crook.. and thats that! she'll keep waiting for the upcoming offer, hoping it'd be a language course she's  been dreaming of doing.



BIOLOGY is like my all time favourite song...

it never bores me..i dont listen to it often like i used to, but everytime i listen to it, it pleases me...

It is like a lover that i am not with anymore, but the one i'll always remember, whom  i send the note " I will always love u"   to...

It is like the one u promised to spend the rest of ur life with, till death do us part.

Well. in this case, Math do us part !


THAT'S MY STORY..biology and me...to bio, i will always love u