Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I LET GO, it's time.

Though i learnt the hardest way, i learnt a lesson. a valuable one.

"Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Al-Baqarah 2:286)
 Look at this lyrics...
it motivates me :
Look around, it's dead at night
You've been losing every fight
You're hope is, feeling broken
You're feet are rough, they're scraped and bruised
But still have strength to take you through,
The dark

At the beach, the waves will crash
Tuck and grab and pull you back
The sun may, be covered in gray
The sand will itch, itself may burn
Hurricane will take it's turn
The dawn

So close your eyes, shut them tight
Let it be, and it will fade away 
Push on though the strength in you
Let it be, and wish it all away 

With open eyes,
Open wide,
It's all good now, watch it fade away,
Day by day

Just close your eyes
And push right through
I know it's tough right now
This was meant for you
When the clouds are gone
Not a shadow in sight
You'll be drenched in the sun
With open eyes


I been avoiding him since then, last time i talked to that person was in June, before i started my 2nd semester (my last).. it was a hard decision. But when i looked back, a few months before, i was stupid, or even crazy to cry for  months for someone that'll never be mine. i have to understand what's not mine won't be mine no matter how i cry, be sad, or beg for it to change.. MIXED feeling preceded this..i was angry,annoyed, mostly, sad. 

I felt like my sanity comes n goes back then. february to May i kept crying. tried pretending that im strong, i was ok. THE TRUTH is, Allah knows. 

He was having the time of his life, and since we met online, it means nothing at all to him, he got almost a perfect fiancee, he's contented. it's like they both, just the 2- of -them -against -the- world feeling. There's no need to care bout anyone else. That's what happen when ppl are in love i think. Love is a force. It's unstoppable at its best. So, who was I compared to her. NOTHING. that's right.

He couldnt even put himself in my shoes. critisized me even. Changed from caring to cold. Wow! 

In June, l made it clear to myself, i will start to let go. for 4 months i kept it together, but i missed my friend in October. i cried mutely in Ramadhan when i received a messege from that person. That was when we met. Ramadhan.

On Eid, i was the person he greets on first Eid, but then on 3rd...no need to care right. pathetic me. His fiancee is more important that time HEY,WAKE UP!

I did miss the friendship so much , i couldnt talk to him as always, it always hurts me to pretend. and i resent what had happened.

what i do now is, open my eyes, widely, He'll be married next year. will be someone's husband. I cant want someone else's anything can i? They love each other after the taaruf, which as a "normal" friend, i should be happy about. (which is the hardest thing to do).

So, whats done is done. Tho it was hard, i gradually pull myself together. I'm holding on to this, WHEN ALLAH TAKES SOMETHING/SOMEONE  YOU LOVE, DOESNT MEAN ALLAH HATES YOU, INSTEAD, HE WILL GRANT SOMETHING/SOMEONE MUCH MUCH BETTER THAN U THINK U WANT..

Indeed, Allah is our creator, Allah knows what we need, HE knows us best! Make a lot of dua, and ikhtiar, InsyaAllah the turn out will be the best as it can be.

LET GO,your hands are full lol

and this lyrics says it all...

You can't turn back the hands of time 
Just let it go and you'll be fine  
What's done is done and its alright  
You cant turn back the hands of time