Tuesday, April 7, 2015

It feels like those dark years again.

Im taking Semantics this semester ( a branch of linguistics study) 
and the coursework for carry marks is highly laborious task! NO JOKE. you have to see it. and all is done individually. i dont know what the lecturer is thinking . like seriously. 

im stressed out because of SEMANTICS for weeks! i usually love weekends . i look forward to it. but this semester it changes because of this course.

takes a lot of time and a lot of analyses.

can you imagine i have to analyze 6 aspects of verb and each aspect has 50-60 pages table!
let me show you.

imagine this for 50-60s pages times 6!  the fastest you could go is 3 hours per aspect .. this is IMMEDIACY aspect. it took 3 hours to complete if i was diligent.
i have to check one by one if it's correct, then count total for each at the end like ONE how many >1 how many..it takes a lot of my time. im super annoyed. i have a lot of other works! im taking other subjects also and they all have their own assignments to offer! the workload is like crazy and im not happy.
whats worse is, the number of pages given are not the equal to everyone.
i really resent this. terrible laa. not fair. some of us got 6 aspects in one WORD FILE and total pages for all 6 aspects in that ONE file is like 200 pages +- ,some got 180 pages+-.. me i got 50to 60times 6! like what 300-500 pages. and guess what? a friend told me, that a friend of hers only got 5 pages (because she printed them out) 

i felt like i want to go ballistic la . but nothing can be done la

i dont mind if Im not done with it because of time, i can try and make time for it. but the thing is, i cant get it done because i dont understand HOW to analyse it.

the stressful part is. there's no one to do it with! you cant do this alone. you need to discuss at various points ask people..i had to do it alone. i find myself clueless.

like in the addmaths class in form 5.. where i was genuinely clueless and no one wanted to help me.

i felt EXACTLY like that .when i called and Whatsapp-ed a few of my friends that i could count on, to ask  how to do these analyses, then the calls were not picked up ( i called several times and there was no like messages from that person - wasn't voice mail or anything, there was ringing tone) and the whatsapps were replied like ( busy other works to do, i dono how to do it also- but the person has done it last week before the sem break ended) .. when she met me in class, she didn't say anything , why she didnt pick up .. i mean maybe it kills her to help when im in need..
it was really sad and i didnt have any other people's numbers because there are new people , I don't even know them. i tried ask a few others that I know, (thank god) at least they teach me HOW to do it although they were not that sure, then i managed to get one aspect done but barely...just like quarter of one file...at least they did not ignore... it is very sad to know that people whom you thought to be your friends are not actually what you think they are.

ive been through this before, but never thought it would echo in the future...

the lecturer said can write anything that you don't understand on whiteboard but the thing is , it was a lot ,and time was very  limited. till now i havent done 2 aspects !! and the other one i have to finish.

i feel like being thrown in the ocean and left drown alone.
 the stress of the assignment is common and i can handle it sooner or late but the disappointment to  learn the truth  about ones you call friends is something else.

i wont bother anyone if I could do it coz i know how stressful to get everything done
But at those times, i really needed help and i guess discovered what I should know... why cant I find true friends??